This Little Light of Mine

Yea, yea, yea. You had to know a blog was coming about the church drama. Around Easter, Michael and I decided to start planning our wedding. We looked at a destination wedding in California, considered Nashville or Gatlinburg- but settled on sweet home Alabama. Yes, my family would have a bit of a drive (but a free place to stay). This is Michael's first (and only wedding) so his family got extra weight in this decision.

We considered a state park wedding, small chapels, or sights in Birmingham. However, we want a small (read: inexpensive) wedding and decided to see if we could use his aunt and uncle's church. They've attended this little white church in Cullman forever and it was perfect for us. Plus, that would be special for them.

The church voted that we could use the church on July 6. We wanted to speak to the preacher to see if he was comfortable marrying us because of my "condition". Sooooo, we visited the church yesterday. I was so stressed about it- apparently my gut was right.

We met with the pastor after the service. He told us he'd have to pray about it because he's never been asked to marry a pregnant couple before and wanted to hear from God. He did reassure us, however, that the church had voted and we could use it. He used the word sin about a billion times. So much, that my feelings were starting to get hurt. His sermon that day was about sin and forgiveness. Ummm, hello? I finally, in my most polite Republican voice, agreed with him that I felt if Jesus forgave us- so should man. I went on to explain (meekly and very unlike me) that clearly God forgave us because he blessed us with a child.

Last night, he told Michael's aunt and uncle that he would NOT marry us AND that he was going to ask the church to vote again to see if we could still use their facility. No thank you. Obviously, we didn't want to see them hurt further by church members. Nor would I use that church if HELL froze over.

Look, I know the Bible says premarital sex is a sin. I also know that judgement by man is a sin (let he without sin cast the first stone). I know many will be shocked to know I have a pretty strong religious background. I grew up in a Calvary Chapel. When I was young, I remember outside church sermons with Pastor Chuck Smith's booming voice preaching while people wore swimsuits. I've visited Tom Camp's church and sat next to convicted felons and recent prisoners. I've read the Bible and know that Jesus was a friend to sinners- as the Casting Crown songs says. How about Amazing Grace? Jeremy Camp's song says, "let this old life crumble, let it fade. Let this new life offered be your saving grace."

More importantly- the song says, "this little light of mine, I'm gonna let it shine..." That's what God has shown us through this. Michael and I have had at least 10 suggestions of churches or offers in less than 24 hours. We've spoken to our friends, preachers and fellow believers. The message has remained strong and steadfast. God loves all of us and this baby is a blessing- not a curse. Our friends have let their lights shine. We've seen grace, mercy and love.

Ill be honest- I've said that this pregnancy has brought me closer to God- more close than I've ever been. I believe that this is a test- just like the forbidden fruit. Will we turn our backs? It scares me to think of what other negative things Satan will throw our way during this journey.

My cousin shared this song with me when we were having complications with our pregnancy. Tenth Avenue North's lyrics say,

Cause ill be by your side whenever you fall
In the dead of night whenever you call
And please don't fight these hands that are holding you
My hands are holding you

When Melissa, Jeremy Camp's first wife died of cancer, he wrote Walk By Faith.

Help me to win my endless fears
You've been so faithful all of these years
With one breath, you make me new
Your grace covers all I do...

I think we know who is on our side. I won't lie, my feelings are hurt. I'm insulted. I understand that this pastor has his own beliefs. I'm upset that he used the guise of prayer to make this decision.

In the end- we will have a better wedding. It may not be in a church, but you can bet our family and loved ones will be by our side to help us through. I the end- it's a blessing.