Life at 29 weeks...

Okay, as much as I don't get those "Pregnant and didn't Know It" pregnancy shows, I also don't get those people who think the being pregnant thing is amazing. I love the IDEA of being pregnant, I love the outcome, I think it is amazing to watch my body change. I suck at being pregnant. 

Right now is a great example- Harper Grace is doing the cha-cha slide in my belly. THAT is amazing. At the same time, my bladder hurts from her river dancing. 

I'm at week 29. Depending on the source, HG weighs between 2-3 pounds. Basically she's like a crockpot on warm...developed but needs more time to perfect. People are telling me ill never make it 11 more weeks, lets hope I make it at least 7. 

Things that suck at 29 weeks:

- having to pee hourly

-waking up with a puke taste in your mouth from heartburn

-stupid comments from people like "this walking will do you good" or "the baby is making your face fat"

-the ongoing worry of leaking amniotic fluid...thankfully it's (ugh) discharge

-horrible hand and wrist pain at night

-the need to buy a powerlift chair to get my big butt from the couch

-exhaustion

-it's becoming impossible to shave my legs, I can't reach

-temper.

Things that rock at 29 weeks:

- feeling my baby kick regularly

- feeling my baby kick regularly; and

- feeling my baby kick regularly.

I'd be happy if I could wear gauchos and tank tops every single day. I'm in a size 11 flip flop (they're too long, but they fit the width). My fake wedding band is having "too small" days. Argh!

We (haha) have a painted nursery and have furniture ordered. We have yet to get our other big items...we have 11 weeks, right? :) We've taken our baby class. I've hardly packed my apartment. Seriously. Who has energy for that?

We have 3 baby showers scheduled- all strategically scheduled around football! One of my precious AEA members is hosting a member shower, Michael's family is having a Cullman brunch, and my closest friends are having the big she-bang! (PS- I put a call out for those who wanted to be invited to send me addresses...if you didn't and want- send it). 

My latest stress is being out on bed rest. I have exactly 14 weeks of possible paid leave, so every week I make it is another week I could spend with the baby after she's born. I must make it 6 more weeks to not have to borrow from the sick bank (a cool thing for education employees!) and have enough paid leave to heal from either a c-section or regular birth. Note: I'm not using the term natural- that means drug free. Sorry red ribbon week. 

So that's the biggest topic now. I was certain I wanted a c-section. Clearly I have no desires to wear a two piece. I love the idea of scheduling her birth (I'm a planner and it might be my last scheduled anything ;), I love the idea of not being ripped in half by a baby's shoulders. People. Have you met my husband? Then there's the diaper, sitting on ice and a spitz (?) bath. 

Now I'm freaking out about this uterus massage thing. I want what is best for HG. Oh and will they have scrubs big enough for Michael to come in the OR? For real, one time the hospital tried to send him home in trash bags because they didn't have anything to fit him. My husband must be with me for this!!!

Then there is the worry about will I be a good mom, will I be able to breastfeed, will I fall asleep when I'm supposed to be feeding her? That's the short list. 

Well, I have to attempt to get some sleep...since I have to get up before the sun tomorrow. It might be hard since the assholes upstairs are ready for football season and are walking like elephants. 

My wishes for you, baby girl.

I can't think of anything that consumes me more than my hopes and dreams for my little girl. I am so nervous about how we will do at parenting. Michael? Not so much. He just says, "If ___________ can do it, so can we." 

I want her to be beautiful (and not in a "I'm her mom so I have to think so" way). I want her to be smart, to be loved. I want her to be her own person, a leader and a positive influence on others. I want her to get her daddy's singing voice and some magical athletic ability. I want her to love to read. I want her to never worry about who loves her, family drama or feel pain because adults are assholes. 

I want us to have a balanced relationship- where she comes to me with life issues, but not where we go out and party together. I want to support her, make her feel good about herself and love her. I want her to have her dad's logic, reason and his ability to fix things with his hands. I want her to have my passion for causes and my work ethic (oh-and my sleep patterns!).

Most of all, I want her to have a daddy. I don't believe that there is a more important relationship, in the world, than a father/daughter relationship. A girl needs to see her daddy be a good man. She needs to see him respect her mom and his own mom. She needs to see him show love and affection. Don't get me wrong- single moms do an amazing job daily- but I want my little girl to have a daddy. 

I want her to melt his heart when she calls for him, to see him on the floor playing Barbies or teaching her to use her pink hammer. I want to walk in and see her asleep on his chest. I want her to know that she is his princess and nothing will change that. I want her to know that no boy better break her heart and when "the one" comes along-he goes to her daddy to ask for her hand. 

I can't get through Steven Curtis Chapman's song, Cinderella, right now without crying. That's what I want for my baby girl. 

As a child, I had "that" relationship with my dad for about 6 years. It was magical. I remember my pride when he helped to teach my PE class. I remember coming home and snuggling up in the big waterbed with him. I remember birthday cards with strawberry shortcake and his writing inside. I remember seeing tears in his eyes- tears for me- as we moved from California. I remember the trip just he and I took to help him move to join us in Indiana. I rode my first roller coaster on that trip, and rode on his shoulders when we ran out of gas. I left his wallet in a Wendy's and I don't remember that he yelled or screamed or anything. 

That's what I want for my baby girl. I want her to feel a love so precious that any man who comes into her life when she's grown- has to compete with that. 

Fathers be good to your daughters

Daughters will love like you do

Girls become lovers, that turn into mothers

So mothers be good to your daughters too.