Pump it Up!

I feel like I'm on day 1,000 of a 5 day workout. Sadly, I'm only on day 2. How pathetic is that?! So, no boot camp this week. Yesterday we got a special edition Body Attack (thank you, Tracy). I wore shorts. I don't ever wear shorts. Like- I don't even wear them to bed. One time a couple years back I did, and Rainman got really sick late at night. I rushed to his house in my pajamas, and he was shocked that I had shorts on. Anyway, attack is hot- so I thought I'd try shorts. Nope. First, the room had mirrors (torture for the fat girl). Then there was the problem of sweating and trying to do a push-up...I didn't know my knees sweat, but they sure do. Although the shorts were "Chafe proof", my legs aren't. We still have a risk of them rubbing together, combusting and burning the place down. Back to pants we go.

Today I started Body Pump.

Warning: if you aren't a boot camper, but you were in pump today...I might make fun of you in the next two paragraphs.

Body Pump is a weight lifting component. I'm glad to be adding it because I'd like to tone as I lose weight. It sort of felt like the body- building part of a beauty pageant. But before I make fun of people, let me tell you that Melanie is my new hero. She set my stuff up for me, coached me and helped throughout the class. I'm forever indebted to her.

So, some of these folks were serious with their fingerless gloves on, special bar cushions and what-not. Others were drinking COFFEE before class. What?! Who drinks coffee in a workout room? People who didn't sweat or muss their hair even a bit. Then we had the outfits. Oh yes- the matchie-matchy was in full swing this morning. I mean, I'd like for my stuff not to clash, and I lay it out the night before to allow 5 extra minutes of sleep...but when your sports bra matches your headband matches your shoes?! Odd.

I am so sore. My arms hurt and I spent the day like a velociraptor. It felt so much better to keep my arms huddled close to the body. My legs hurt, my back hurts, and my knees hurt. I might have done a bagillion squats. I can hardly sit and stand without looking like I'm nineteen months pregnant with quintuplets.

It's small steps. Literally. I was hoping to get down the stairs, then to reach for the steering wheel. 14 hours later, I'm hoping I can crawl into bed.

Tomorrow is another dose of Attack, followed by the final weigh-in and measurements. I'm so ready to get it over with. I had a salad for lunch, eggs with whole wheat toast for dinner. I ate watermelon because it is supposed to help with water weight. The only thing that I can do now is catch food poisoning. The tapeworm I bought is on back order.

I can't decide how to celebrate, but I'm thinking I might treat myself a little :) if anyone sees me passed out on Hwy 31 tomorrow, I've ransacked Fultondale Bakery.

Oh- and my blog wouldn't be mine if we didn't talk boobs. So- a word to you exercise folks out there. Please dress them appropriately. Don't underdress them so you get a black eye during high knees. Don't wear your favorite Victoria's Secret bra because it perks them up. We're working out. A sports bra is the way to go. Sure, I might overdo it with a sports bra and a tank with a built in bra, but I don't want to look like you people.

Finally, a blog secret for my readers. Don't tell anyone else this.... Ive missed sHELLey. I haven't had her fuss at me in over a week, and I'm sort of lost. In fact, if I gain weight tomorrow- we will all blame her ;) It will be nice to have her teaching me. I don't do change well, and I've tried 3 different teaches in a week!! I learn something different from all of them, but you also respond differently to them. Sssssshhhhh!

And yet Another Challenge...

Happy Memorial Day weekend! This week I wrapped up my second month of Boot Camp. I am feeling so accomplished to know that NOW I've done 8 weeks of this challenging workout. I'm working out at least 3 times a week (well, I was...more on that story in a minute).

Freedom was teaching her video Body Attack this week, and I was able to go since I was off of work. I brought a friend with me. Plus, two fit young guys (kids) came and did it with us. All three were exhausted and commented how difficult it was!! These are folks who are in shape and workout. That was so cool for me, because I can hang!!!

So...we don't have boot camp this week and I asked Shelley what I should do instead. This is where her next challenge comes in. Instead of my 3 workouts per week- I will now be doing SIX! That's double!! This week I will do Body Attack on Tuesday/Thursday/Saturday, Body Pump on Wednesday and Friday, and next week I add a Monday workout back in. Can you believe I will be getting up at 5 am on 5 days a week? Me neither. This is the girl who would do just about anything for an extra minute of sleep (no make-up, wet hair, skip breakfast, iron the night before). What have I gotten myself into?

I'm (fortunately) back to losing weight, and am quickly approaching the 30 pound mark. Now if someone would notice!!! I guess it is because I started so heavy, but you really can't tell that I'm losing.

Mentally I've changed the most. Last night we went to Legends in Florence to eat. I used to drink 3-4 glasses of their fruit tea and buy a gallon to go. However, I drank one glass and switched to water. We went to a chicken stew yesterday with lots of yummy desserts- and I maintained control and didn't stick my face in the graduation cake :) I still crave desserts, but not the 3299 calorie apple dumpling at Cracker Barrel. I mostly want food- cereal, chicken tenders, pancakes, Mac and cheese, casseroles, cheeseburgers. I could care less about candy and chocolate, but wouldn't mind a fountain Pepsi or sweet tea.

Then there is the boob problem. I'm obsessed with them. Why? Sadly, mine have been put on the endangered species list. They are going, going...I buy dresses now that are HUGE in the top and fit perfect from the waist down. It is almost comical. I bet I think about boobs more than a fifteen year old boy. Im rather heartbroken over all of it. I wish my thighs or my gut would disappear this quickly.

As you can see, my mind has been in a million directions this week. Maybe I'll survive my million workout march to tell you about it...

WAIT! I have to tell you about my friend, Sara. I've known her for probably 20 years. She's gorgeous, successful, happily married, beautiful kids... Amazing. Anyway, she has always been fit and stays in shape. Today she really did something awesome. Her husband (who was my boyfriend in 4th grade and looks eerily like Carson Daily) runs marathons. He's done Chicago, New York, he DOES marathons. So today, SARA ran the Ottawa Marathon. She kicked its butt!! She ran it in just over 4 hours. I'm so in awe of her- she's a mom, juggles a job, 3 kids, their sports, a busy husband. She found time- MADE time- to train to run 26.2 miles. It amazes me and makes me so proud. Damon did the marathon in like 3.5 hours-ish. They're so cool. Inspiring. Amazing. If a mom that works full-time, has 3 kids and a Damon can train for a marathon, then I can surely train to be a better runner. She ran for over 4 hours!!!! Plus, she probably has great boobs ;) Wow. Thanks, Cahills, for really inspiring me.

Your next challenge is...

Those were the words coming out of Shelley's mouth just over a week ago. We had finished Body Attack (I lived) and were all chatting after class. I don't know if people realize just how terrifying these words can be! Thus far I've accepted every challenge but one, and that's because I'm still hoping to have a kid someday ;)

Body Attack provides three different option levels to workout. I, as if it isn't obvious, use the low impact options. Well, I USED them. That was her challenge. She wanted me to try the other options at least once each. Apparently she forgot that when creating Friday's Boot Camp. After about 3 minutes of Attack, my legs felt like they were going to fall off.

I would be the perfect cult member. In fact, my mom has a cousin in prison for being a Manson follower. Should I admit that? Oh well, we follow directions in this family :) At any rate, I didn't want to disappoint her. I tried every single option. I supermanned, shuffled, mamboed, flicked, super jacked, jump squatted... You name it.

I'll admit that I found a secret inspiration on Saturday, but confessing it will send me to hell. Let's just say that I pushed myself a wee bit harder.

I was dripping with sweat! My 75 tops were wet, my headband (picture skinny and worn as a headband) was soaked. I really decided I might have to start wearing a tank top. I mean, I wear a tank top, and a sports bra, and a t-shirt- but perhaps I'll trade the shirt in for another tank?!

I also almost talked myself into shorts. ALMOST. I looked at shorts and even bought a few pair of XXL. Puh-lease. Exercise clothes have a different size chart.
XS= size 1-2
S= size 3-4
M= size 5-6
L= 7-8
XL= 9-10
XXL= 10 1/2

Trust me. No shorts for the girl shrinking out of a 20. So I've given up on shorts. My only option is to buy dude shorts, and then I would look like a dude. Seriously.

I guess I'll stick to fat people workout clothes. However, if anyone is looking to start a product line, I suggest fat people exercise clothes.

Tomorrow at Boot Camp is a weigh day. I'm hoping to have lost a couple. I know where it is missing from. The poor girls are shrinking by the day. I'm less worried about tube socks with marbles and more worried about anklets with a seed. The Rainman says I'll be glad in 10 years when I don't have to get a reduction.

Oh- and my food cravings are changing, but we can talk about that later. Some of us have Boot Camp in 7.5 hours.

J

Caution: Relays Ahead

Let me tell you, this has been the hardest week of working out and dieting since I started in March. It might be the lack of weight loss, or it might be that I'm just feeling tired and lazy. I don't know, but it has sucked!

I honestly didn't want to go to boot camp on Tuesday. I sure didn't want to weigh, my stomach hurt, but I knew I had to go. This is what sucks about being the oldest child-- always a sense of responsibility! So, it is time to weigh, and would you believe that Shelley came with me?! She never does. However it really paid off. Of course I had gained half a pound, but I did get some time to talk to her about my frustrations and get some new ideas from her. I even got a little pep talk ;)

I might as well confess that my diet was horrible this week. I ate a few French fries, had a cupcake (only 202 calories), macaroni and cheese, pasta and breadsticks at Olive Garden and nachos... but enough about lunch. ;) Okay so those really were spread over a few days, but I indulged more than I should. I felt horrible after my indulgences- even the cupcake made me feel so bad, but I think my body needed a little bit of it. I have been true to my promise of NO SODA! I've only had water and Spark all week :)

So, I wanted to skip boot camp on Tuesday, missed Attack yesterday (I was out of town for work), and nearly talked myself out of boot camp this morning. I mean, everyone misses a day, right? I was snotty, nauseous, and worked 19 hours Wednesday and 12 yesterday. Tired was an understatement. I, purely out of wanting to not disappoint my cult leader, somehow made it to the gym....only to see clear signs of relays ahead. What else would 1,000,000 orange cones mean?!

Sherlock got this one right. We took about 10 hours dividing into teams the way she told us...4 teams of 5 (that's rocket science at 5:15 in the morning), and of course we had to start by hopping on one foot. 240 pounds barely moves on 2 feet, let alone by hopping on one. Oh- and we had to jump over a cone. My team was last because... well, I'm not Peter Cottontail. Then we had to do exercises in between the relays, go run two laps (fat girls run one), and start on the second round. Did I mention that burpees and star jumps were included in the price of the relays? My face was the color of blood, my stomach hurt worse, and I was so mad that I already used "Clean-up on Aisle 6" as a blog title. I mean, if I puke- what will I call that blog?

Finally, we combined into two team and had to zig-zag around the cones running down and back. My team lost again, I was the proverbial fat kid that everyone watched finish, but I finished. We did a few more exercises and were done.

No matter how much I don't want to go exercise, I'm always glad I do. It makes me feel better about myself, the people
are so supportive, and I love it when Freedom does the special cheer.

Here's the best part about working out...I don't snore anymore. I've snored for so long and so loud. I snored when I weighed less than 200 pounds- working out is the key. That is totally worth it!!

Land softly...

Yes, I know I haven't blogged in nearly a week. Would you believe I heard about that from two people? My mom and Shelley. Hysterical duo, if you ask me.

I've worked the past two weeks in Montgomery. Well, most of the time. It has taken me off my game quite a bit. Apparently my blogs have suffered as badly as my apartment, my dog, and the boy (who has had to care for my dog).

I was so excited for last Friday's boot camp. I bought a new T-shirt to wear- it was my response to all of Shelley's shirts. It says, "I will be alive after this for this shit is making me stronger, so bring it." I saw it on Pinterest and had to have it. Soooo, I walk in. And guess who isn't there? Ugh. I wore my new shirt for this?!?

However, Melissa was, and she was ready to bring it. We had to do sets of 3 exercises (10 of each to start), go upstairs, run a lap, come down, do the next set of 3 exercises, run upstairs...do you get the drift?!

The poor girl just doesn't know how to deal with me. At one point I was stressing about all the "jumpy" exercises and she told me to land softly. I had to explain to her that 240 doesn't exactly land softly. It's like asking a rhino to land softly or a bull to be a ballerina in a china shop. Not happening.

I guess most of it is mental. I mean, my knees hurt a lot after working out, and I need to learn to be more graceful. It's going to take a long time for that to happen. I almost wish we had a video camera to show you how funny i look doing some of these exercises...

Can we talk for a minute about how sucky the body changes are with this weight loss and exercise? First, my girls are reverting. It is so sad. I lie down and so do they. I look towards my stomach, and my boobs have disappeared. I'm not sure if they are seeking warmth under my armpits or if they are just tired, but I am so sad to watch them leave. One day I will wake up and find all that remains are tube socks with marbles in the bottom of them.

You know what is worse? Ok, maybe nothing, but a close second is the fact that my stomach isn't going away. My legs are changing a little, but you'd think that after 23 pounds, at least one of them would be from my gut- NOPE! Some women are pear shaped, some are lean and tall like a banana, I'm turning into an orange with legs. Ugh.

This is the stuff that's discouraging. Combine it with 2 months of eating less than 1280 calories a day- and I'm frustrated. I've plateaued some and haven't lost a pound in over a week. I monitor my calories closely, barely eat any cheat food (read: no birthday cake), haven't had a sweet tea or real soda in months, and exercise at least 3 times a week. I know this happens to everyone, but tomorrow is scale day at the gym. I think they would frown on me showing up nekkid to weigh...that, my friends, would not be good for business.

I guess I'll keep trucking and not get discouraged- though I really want to make rice krispy treats with Lucky Charms...I'll practice landing softly and when I become graceful, y'all better watch out. Grab a warm coat because hell will freeze over.

PS. If you know any good boob exercises, let me know ;)

J

Clean up on Aisle 6

When I was in the seventh grade, my math teacher came into my 7th period class to announce he had created a homework assignment. I was so mad, and I organized my classmates to have a sit-in outside of his classroom. We all sat in front of his door (blocking his class from coming out), and refused to leave until he cancelled the homework. That, my friends, was my first experience organizing people around an issue.

20 some years later, I organize folks around issues for a living (or try). I sure was waiting for my chance to issue organize this morning during boot camp.

We did the usual running time, and today Shelley informed me that she would come chase me if I didn't run. I told her that was dumb because she would pass me pretty quick :) However, I did alternate running a lap and walking a lap during this time.

Our theme for today was "relays". Relays. Really?!?! Surely she didn't think we'd run relays for the rest of class, did she?

We first had to run to the other end and do 10 push-ups, run back and do 10 more...then run down and do 9 push-ups. Do you see the pattern? All the way to one on each end. I was dying after one round, and I started to look around. Who else was ready to revolt? Ok, clearly it wasn't Freedom, because she was my personal cheerleader.

My face was so red, my eyes were full of tears, I was nauseous, mad, sore and out of breath. I looked around again. Anyone? Anyone? Bueller? Would you believe these people were laughing and having fun? They were smiling. I couldn't look anyone in the eye because the floodgates would open. I couldn't find my bottle of water. Would someone just put me out of my misery?

We moved on to sidesteps or something and squats. We did basketball jumps. We ran backwards, high knee marches. I'm still looking for someone else who looks half as miserable as me. Do I need water? YES! Can I have it? NO. Why? We would need a clean-up on Aisle 6. I would've barfed right then and there. So I just thought about how pained my legs would be later, and listened to Freedom's faith in me. Thank goodness she had it, because I would've quit in a heartbeat.

Rumor has it that today's boot camp is not even close to the toughest. I can't imagine a greater challenge. I just hope I can walk tomorrow.

Any worse and I will puke. Clean up?!

Well, Clearly Jack-lyn Isn't the Teacher's Pet

I know, I know...I've been without a blog in nearly a week. I actually wrote one last weekend, and it has disappeared off the face of the earth (or blogspot, which is nearly as annoying). So, I tried to post it while in Montgomery from my phone and it just showed the title. That was all that remained. UGH!

I also received a brief "talking to" from a colleague who told me my blog is full of a grammatical errors. So, let this be the warning that if you are here to look for perfection in ANY way- size, shape, or commas- good luck. It won't be found. That did, however, make me incredibly self-conscious about over comma-ing and under quoting. As Lady Chablis would say, "Two Tears in a Bucket..." (If you know who Lady Chablis is, you know the rest of this quote. If you don't- how dare you not know the story of Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil).

I've finished day 2 of my second round of boot camp, and apparently I lied in my last published blog. I actually only went 8 TIMES, not 8 weeks. It felt like 8 weeks, but well...it hasn't been. Oops. I am proud to announce that on our original timed mile in April, I did it in 16:16. This month I came in at 14:52. This is a huge accomplishment for me. I am not even close to where I want to be with running, hell jogging, but I am doing a little bit better. My push-ups increased to 20, which means my upper body is getting stronger.

It feels so good to be in my second round of boot camp. I see areas where I am improving and the areas where I need to continue to work, and maybe even focus. One area that I love (odd, I know) is the hover test. Last month I lasted 45 seconds, and today I did 1:57. My beep test isn't much better, I did 13 beeps instead of 12. So, that tells me that I MUST focus on running. Shelley has given me some pointers, and as you know, she continues to push me to run (NOT WALK). I think my brain is used too much while at boot camp and I wish I could stop that. I need to push myself to run more and walk less. I'm scared to. I worry that I'll hurt myself or my kneecap will fall off or something.

This morning, sHELLey, was in rare form. I won't say if that is a good thing or a bad thing :) At any rate, we were in stations focusing on different parts of the body and my group started at Core. We were doing bicycles, scissors, and walking plank. We kept getting confused, and poor Jennifer (my friend who has started boot camp with us- YEAH!) was getting so confused. Anyway, we got in trouble a million times for not following directions (oops), and at one point, SHE came over and was yelling, "Butt down, Jacklyn!" over and over. Clearly I wasn't listening because my name is JOCELYN. She finally realized what happened and we all got a good laugh out of it, and then the joke became that I clearly am not the teacher's pet.

So anyway, our group is doing a 30 day Arbonne challenge. I'm signed up for it, but I suck already. We got our weight, body fat and measurements done on Tuesday. It comes along with a pretty strict diet and a great workout routine. Although I am a HUGE supporter of Advocare, and now a distributor, I thought I would check out a couple of the products to see if they make a difference. I decided not to sign up for the whole she-bang for a few reasons. At any rate, my fellow dieters are really working hard. I, however, have been out of town. You can't exactly get free range chicken at the average restaurant on a very short lunch break. I've been sticking to the diet I followed for my Advocare 24 day challenge to get me through. I'm hoping that when I get through this out of town part of work, I can really try this challenge and see how I do. It is so funny to watch everyone- they're all dying for Almond Butter. If you're looking for a side gig- go stock up on Almond Butter, stand outside of the GCC and sell it. Seriously. You'll be RICH!

The COOLEST thing happened to me last Saturday at the Body Attack class. This lady named Carol, 62 years old and in shape, comes up and hugs me. She tells me that she loves the blog and that I inspire HER. REALLY?! She's 62 and doing Body Attack. She's amazing. It made me feel so incredible to have that talk with her. I still marvel at how I can inspire anyone, but it meant so much. I watched her throughout class and thought about how impressed I was with her get up and go...but I inspire her. Awesome.

Body Attack last weekend was way cool. It was my first time with Tiffany as a teacher, and if you've never had her- check her out! She is like Tigger- so full of energy and just ready to go. I think her nickname will be SNICKERS because after one little tidbit- you've got the energy you need.

Anyway...tonight is date night and I've got to get ready...
j