First, let me say thank you to all of the amazing kind words that I have received in the past two days. Seriously- I will never be able to put into words what the messages, texts, and facebook posts meant to me but I am smiling today! It is almost like I could feel all of those words, prayers, and long distance hugs surrounding me and lifting me out of my sadness. I surely hope you will keep them coming, because like everything, there is an ebb and flow, and I don't want to go back under.
My Uncle Fred commented on facebook that Shelley must be my guardian angel. I'm not exactly sure about that. She keeps trying to kill me. I think I must've been a cat in my previous life and got ripped off the extra eight lives or something. This morning is further proof of her desire to end my life in a slow and painful manner.
But before I tell you all about it, let me celebrate that today ended my FIRST ROUND OF BOOT CAMP! I totally survived. I may have some bumps and bruises, but I. DID. IT. It is such an amazing feeling to know that for eight weeks I set my alarm for 4:30, got out of the bed, and worked out. I cannot believe it. I may not ever believe it. In fact, when my friend and I decide who will drive, I always say, "See you at 5:45!" She has to correct me, I think my mind refuses to acknowledge how early it truly is.
Sooooo...remember those kind words I said about Shelley in my last blog? Well, shortly after it posted, she texted me. It was a promise to "show me her kind of bear hug" and to be ready for "all things animal". I still couldn't imagine her actually hugging me, so I knew I was totally screwed. She started our morning (post mile walk/run) with a song about Noah and his animals. It was accompanied by a maniacal laugh that was kind of scary.
We were divided into teams of three and assigned to stations where we would show our love to the animals. Maybe we had to do the confused bear crawl, duck walk, or the camel walk. Oh- there was a mule kick, donkey kick, kangaroo hop, downward dog, sea turtle swim, dolphin something and the butterfly crunch. None of these should ever be done without the presence of an expert. They also shouldn't be done in public, on hallucinogenic drugs, alcohol or ever again. Sadly, I've left the worst of the station exercises for absolute last....this was the snake something. It involved putting your lower arms on a towel and scoot your fat@ss (in my case) across the gym floor with your feet...basically a barrel race with yourself. It was so painful. They all were, but this snake thing was miserable. Oh- and the alligator push-up was almost as bad. Essentially you walk down the gym in a push-up position moving right arm/left leg and then alternating. My brain had a worse time than my body. Please just get on the floor and try this. Just once. At least there wasn't a jump rope in the room.
Here are some of sHELLey's comments from today:
-This will definately make for your best blog yet (followed by crazy laugh)
- I said I wanted you to be a sea turtle, not a beached sea turtle (I told her I was going for a beached whale)
- So, what DID you eat at The Varsity yesterday?
I've told you all of this and I want those of you who REALLY know me to think about how much my hands and face had to be close to the floor and (worse) in direct contact with the floor. Do you know there is people hair on the floor? So, in addition to trying to figure out the moves and not dying, I had to try not to get some strange person's hair on me. I would have puked. For those of you who don't really know me, I have a HUGE fear of people hair. My sister has really long hair and it is beautiful to everyone...but it creeps me out. My Christina used to have long hair and I'd make her pull it back to come in my kitchen. I had a house with a jetted tub and someone told me hair could come out the jets- so I wouldn't use it. I really hate hair. I tried to explain to sHELLey that there was hair on the floor and she told me there would also be my sweat and tears on the floor. Apparently she had no sympathy.
So finally she announced the magic word, "STOP!" I thought it was that time. We were done, the end had arrived. I waited for everyone to high-five, celebrate, roll out the cake, we were finished....or not. We had to do a caterpillar race. Do you know this? Basically, you sit on the floor one behind the other. The first person runs down the gym, comes back, puts his/her hand between his/her legs, holds hands with the next person and they run down together. This continues until the whole group is one big long line, connected by sweaty hands in sweaty crotches. If your chain breaks- you do ten push-ups. We had an odd number of people and someone was kind enough to volunteer to sit out...but she wasn't having that. My team, even having to do ten push-ups narrowly got second place. We were nearly the champs!!
We were officially finished. No cakes, no high-fives. I guess that's because we will all be back next Tuesday for more. Round two starts May 1. If you're in the area, you should totally join us. I mean, if I can get up at 4:30- why can't you?
Friday, April 27, 2012
Wednesday, April 25, 2012
When the walls come crumbling down....
I'm not exactly sure that this will be my "usual" blog. However, it is what's on my heart- so this is what you get :) I suffer from severe anxiety disorder. Usually, I am able to control it with small techniques and daily medication. However, there are certain triggers and moments in life that really take charge of me and this has been one of those weeks.
I am a widow. Ten years ago on Cinco de Mayo, my high school sweetheart and husband, took a gun and used it to take his own life. He suffered from Bi-Polar disorder. We dated off and on for 10 years before ending up together and marrying. I thought that we could conquer this illness and the challenges that it brought us. Sadly, we couldn't. We were best friends, but the disorder was so much more powerful than either of us and we were drowning, our marriage was horrible. I certainly didn't love Jake any less, but I didn't know how we would make it another day. He didn't either. We separated and he moved into a hotel, which is where he died. I've never dealt with anything so painful in my whole life. My first tattoo came the year after his death and my first real weight loss victory. This story is so much longer- and I am thankful that I was able to overcome it.
This weekend I experienced a personal battle that somehow managed to combine with my loss of Jake, I'm not really sure how, and it crippled me. I returned from a trip with friends to Atlanta and literally wanted my dog, my bed and a stack of books. I turned down my personal cell phone and tried to disappear. I, for a very bizarre reason, made Shelley and Tracy an initial contact when I got upset this weekend and asked them not to let me fall back into my old habits- depressed eating and not exercising. Monday morning, I couldn't get out of the bed. As disgusting as it is, I didn't shower from Saturday until late Monday afternoon. (I did, however, brush my teeth!!!!). I left my work cell phone on and Tracy texted me to check on me.
I managed to get out of bed on Tuesday morning for Boot Camp...I had this horrible fear that sHELLey would find me and drag me out of my bed by my feet. I'd had one meal since Saturday night (and it made me nauseous), so I was NOT looking forward to expelling the energy I didn't have.
I was so thankful to see ZERO jump ropes in the gym. I did buy one, and I did practice on Friday night...and I still suck! We had mats, pancake weights (no syrup), and those exercise band thingies. I will be honest, I was not given 100% for the first part. Heck, I didn't give 100% for at all. We had to do our 15 minute walk/run and I was determined not to run. Honestly. I thought about going to sit in the car. I did not want to run. I didn't want to walk, but I just wanted to play bloody knuckles with the brick wall, walk, and pout. Ha!! If you know HER, you know that didn't happen. She let me walk a few times, but then she said, "Hey! I want to see you running." UGH. She walked over to where I was and I told her I didn't have the energy, that I couldn't do it. She essentially told me I could lay in it and wallow or suck it up and move. (I'm sure she sounded nicer than that). So, I cried. I cried that I didn't want to run, but I ran. I ran half a lap and walked half a lap. I am so glad that I did. I am so thankful that Shelley pushed me when I needed it.
Shelley pushed us all for the rest of class. We did biceps, triceps, abs and legs. Haha- we did this lovely tricep dips on the benches. It freaked me out completely. I was scared to death that the pancake weight was going to fall off of my lap and onto my feet. I have NO clue how much it weighed because it was 5kg and I don't speak kilograms...I speak pounds. So, that cut into my dipping ability.
Shelley was so supportive in her own way. I totally don't see her being the "here's a bear hug" kind of gal- she shows she cares by pushing you and checking on you in her own way. She did text me to tell me that she was proud of me for coming to boot camp- which meant the world to me.
The other funny thing is that so many strangers spoke to me at Boot Camp on Tuesday- it was like they were all planted to do it, but I know they weren't. It was cool. I also thank Carol for her story. She knows what it is :)
The truth is that I went home and went back to bed. I was so nauseous and my head was killing me, but I made it to work for half a day. Today I made it a whole day. I've never been crippled with my anxiety like this, and I know I can get through it. I do want to ask that you all continue to pray for me as I get stronger and face these personal challenges. I am thankful for all of you at the GCC- especially Shelley and Tracy!
I certainly hope that Friday's Boot Camp blog will be full of puppies, kittens, sunshine and rainbows. I'm visiting Body Attack on Saturday since I have to miss tomorrow for a field trip with third graders to Atlanta (see...I told you I needed prayers) ;)
Thanks....
j
I am a widow. Ten years ago on Cinco de Mayo, my high school sweetheart and husband, took a gun and used it to take his own life. He suffered from Bi-Polar disorder. We dated off and on for 10 years before ending up together and marrying. I thought that we could conquer this illness and the challenges that it brought us. Sadly, we couldn't. We were best friends, but the disorder was so much more powerful than either of us and we were drowning, our marriage was horrible. I certainly didn't love Jake any less, but I didn't know how we would make it another day. He didn't either. We separated and he moved into a hotel, which is where he died. I've never dealt with anything so painful in my whole life. My first tattoo came the year after his death and my first real weight loss victory. This story is so much longer- and I am thankful that I was able to overcome it.
This weekend I experienced a personal battle that somehow managed to combine with my loss of Jake, I'm not really sure how, and it crippled me. I returned from a trip with friends to Atlanta and literally wanted my dog, my bed and a stack of books. I turned down my personal cell phone and tried to disappear. I, for a very bizarre reason, made Shelley and Tracy an initial contact when I got upset this weekend and asked them not to let me fall back into my old habits- depressed eating and not exercising. Monday morning, I couldn't get out of the bed. As disgusting as it is, I didn't shower from Saturday until late Monday afternoon. (I did, however, brush my teeth!!!!). I left my work cell phone on and Tracy texted me to check on me.
I managed to get out of bed on Tuesday morning for Boot Camp...I had this horrible fear that sHELLey would find me and drag me out of my bed by my feet. I'd had one meal since Saturday night (and it made me nauseous), so I was NOT looking forward to expelling the energy I didn't have.
I was so thankful to see ZERO jump ropes in the gym. I did buy one, and I did practice on Friday night...and I still suck! We had mats, pancake weights (no syrup), and those exercise band thingies. I will be honest, I was not given 100% for the first part. Heck, I didn't give 100% for at all. We had to do our 15 minute walk/run and I was determined not to run. Honestly. I thought about going to sit in the car. I did not want to run. I didn't want to walk, but I just wanted to play bloody knuckles with the brick wall, walk, and pout. Ha!! If you know HER, you know that didn't happen. She let me walk a few times, but then she said, "Hey! I want to see you running." UGH. She walked over to where I was and I told her I didn't have the energy, that I couldn't do it. She essentially told me I could lay in it and wallow or suck it up and move. (I'm sure she sounded nicer than that). So, I cried. I cried that I didn't want to run, but I ran. I ran half a lap and walked half a lap. I am so glad that I did. I am so thankful that Shelley pushed me when I needed it.
Shelley pushed us all for the rest of class. We did biceps, triceps, abs and legs. Haha- we did this lovely tricep dips on the benches. It freaked me out completely. I was scared to death that the pancake weight was going to fall off of my lap and onto my feet. I have NO clue how much it weighed because it was 5kg and I don't speak kilograms...I speak pounds. So, that cut into my dipping ability.
Shelley was so supportive in her own way. I totally don't see her being the "here's a bear hug" kind of gal- she shows she cares by pushing you and checking on you in her own way. She did text me to tell me that she was proud of me for coming to boot camp- which meant the world to me.
The other funny thing is that so many strangers spoke to me at Boot Camp on Tuesday- it was like they were all planted to do it, but I know they weren't. It was cool. I also thank Carol for her story. She knows what it is :)
The truth is that I went home and went back to bed. I was so nauseous and my head was killing me, but I made it to work for half a day. Today I made it a whole day. I've never been crippled with my anxiety like this, and I know I can get through it. I do want to ask that you all continue to pray for me as I get stronger and face these personal challenges. I am thankful for all of you at the GCC- especially Shelley and Tracy!
I certainly hope that Friday's Boot Camp blog will be full of puppies, kittens, sunshine and rainbows. I'm visiting Body Attack on Saturday since I have to miss tomorrow for a field trip with third graders to Atlanta (see...I told you I needed prayers) ;)
Thanks....
j
Friday, April 20, 2012
If you don't faint, puke or die....keep walking.
Are you there God? It's me Jocelyn,
The title was written on sHELLey's shirt this morning. I'm pretty sure that is a sign as clear as death metal. Perhaps I should've turned around to leave....maybe that's why I woke up sick to my stomach. I don't know, God, is this why some people come to boot camp late or even decide to skip?
I tried to walk really really fast during that "15" minute walk thing, but she could see me and told me to run one lap, walk a lap or run 1/2, walk 1/2. So, I did. I mean, you know I'm a rule follower. It hurt so bad. Maybe I asked her if she'd pick my knees up off the floor, but I wasn't really being a smart-aleck...okay, perhaps just a little.
She also told us that 21 was a lucky number. I'm pretty sure that lying breaks a commandment. I can't tell you which one, but it is numbered somewhere between 1 and 10. She was lying- for real. We had to do 21 push-ups and then 21 sit-ups...then 20 of each, then 19, 18, 17, do you feel me? I made it to 15 of each before half the class was done and we could quit. (Shout-out to those people who were so fast- I love you like a fat kid loves cake.)
I thought we were done with 21, and honestly, I was ready to do a 21 gun salute....well, shots- into my mouth and I don't drink. We so weren't. We had to divide into teams and do a list of torturous exercises. I did get to sing "Head, Shoulders, Knees and Toes", but it didn't sound good because I was moaning from the jumping jacks, jumping squats, rumpshakers (they're really called bootstrappers, but whatever), and I can't even tell you what else. Oh wait. Yes I can. We had to do this horrible thing where we started in a hover and then get up to a plank...while keeping our core in line. I kind of did it, but not so well.
From here it only got worse. I know you are asking how that is possible, but perhaps you've never seen a fat girl and a jump rope? We had to jump rope 21 times and "run" to the other end, then jump rope again 21 more times. I promise there were more exercises after that, but I don't know what they were. I am scarred from jump rope attempts. My psychiatrist says I might have PTSD. I tried to jump rope with one foot at a time, and my foot kept getting stuck in my pants. I tried to jump rope with two feet at a time, and my shoe kept getting stuck on the rope. I'm sorry because I broke a commandment too, Lord. I lied. I didn't come close to 21 jump ropes on either end, but I was so mortified and worried that I would fall on my face and break my nose that I quit too soon. To make up for it, I bought a jump rope tonight and I promise to practice. Maybe if sHELLey would add Chinese Jump roping into class, I could school everyone. I know how to do it- even froggy style...in, out, side by side, on, in, out. I can do clappies, snappies, this could be my event!! Fortunately, this ended my misery for the day.
Of course, the most valuable lesson (besides don't try to jump rope) is to not wear high heels after boot camp. My legs hurt so bad. I might cut one off with a butter knife.
I sure hope you'll forgive my breaking of the commandment, and that you've heard my prayer.
Jocelyn
The title was written on sHELLey's shirt this morning. I'm pretty sure that is a sign as clear as death metal. Perhaps I should've turned around to leave....maybe that's why I woke up sick to my stomach. I don't know, God, is this why some people come to boot camp late or even decide to skip?
I tried to walk really really fast during that "15" minute walk thing, but she could see me and told me to run one lap, walk a lap or run 1/2, walk 1/2. So, I did. I mean, you know I'm a rule follower. It hurt so bad. Maybe I asked her if she'd pick my knees up off the floor, but I wasn't really being a smart-aleck...okay, perhaps just a little.
She also told us that 21 was a lucky number. I'm pretty sure that lying breaks a commandment. I can't tell you which one, but it is numbered somewhere between 1 and 10. She was lying- for real. We had to do 21 push-ups and then 21 sit-ups...then 20 of each, then 19, 18, 17, do you feel me? I made it to 15 of each before half the class was done and we could quit. (Shout-out to those people who were so fast- I love you like a fat kid loves cake.)
I thought we were done with 21, and honestly, I was ready to do a 21 gun salute....well, shots- into my mouth and I don't drink. We so weren't. We had to divide into teams and do a list of torturous exercises. I did get to sing "Head, Shoulders, Knees and Toes", but it didn't sound good because I was moaning from the jumping jacks, jumping squats, rumpshakers (they're really called bootstrappers, but whatever), and I can't even tell you what else. Oh wait. Yes I can. We had to do this horrible thing where we started in a hover and then get up to a plank...while keeping our core in line. I kind of did it, but not so well.
From here it only got worse. I know you are asking how that is possible, but perhaps you've never seen a fat girl and a jump rope? We had to jump rope 21 times and "run" to the other end, then jump rope again 21 more times. I promise there were more exercises after that, but I don't know what they were. I am scarred from jump rope attempts. My psychiatrist says I might have PTSD. I tried to jump rope with one foot at a time, and my foot kept getting stuck in my pants. I tried to jump rope with two feet at a time, and my shoe kept getting stuck on the rope. I'm sorry because I broke a commandment too, Lord. I lied. I didn't come close to 21 jump ropes on either end, but I was so mortified and worried that I would fall on my face and break my nose that I quit too soon. To make up for it, I bought a jump rope tonight and I promise to practice. Maybe if sHELLey would add Chinese Jump roping into class, I could school everyone. I know how to do it- even froggy style...in, out, side by side, on, in, out. I can do clappies, snappies, this could be my event!! Fortunately, this ended my misery for the day.
Of course, the most valuable lesson (besides don't try to jump rope) is to not wear high heels after boot camp. My legs hurt so bad. I might cut one off with a butter knife.
I sure hope you'll forgive my breaking of the commandment, and that you've heard my prayer.
Jocelyn
Thursday, April 19, 2012
So...What Time is Adult Swim?
Oh boy, am I glad today is over! Let me just say that today- separate from Body Attack- was a day that only can be summed up by Bill Murray in Groundhog's Day. INSANITY.
I had one of my worst night's of sleep since I started working out (perhaps it was because I had spaghetti last night...for the first time in like 2 months?) and tossed and turned and looked at the clock. I'd like to say it was eagerness for class, but it was more of a desire to sleep. The alarm went off...Tank (the amazing dog) rolled back over to sleep and I started the routine: get dressed, wash face, brush teeth, force Tank awake, drag her outside. I grabbed my keys and my phone and headed out the door. In. Flip. Flops. Shiitake Mushrooms- these shoes won't work. I put on my socks and shoes and head back out...start to pull out of my parking space and something feels off. I forgot my water. Rush back to the apartment. It's UNLOCKED. What the crap?! I mean, the odds of someone breaking in my apartment at five in the morning are slim to none. The only people awake are people exercising and the biscuit makers.
Apparently, I missed the memo that today's session included a pre-prom workout. Seriously. We had 49 people in class and the average age of the worker outers was like 15. I was not the oldest person in the room, and I sure as SHELL wasn't the youngest. I kept wondering what time adult swim started. I was getting run over by Skipper and all of her friends that fit in the Barbie car...or maybe on the Barbie moped. We did the fun little run in a circle thing and the teeny bobbers kept running into me. It might've been my Justin Bieber t-shirt, but I'm not sure.
We had a different instructor today. Body Attack has three teachers, and this time, Tracy took the place of Freedom. Now, remember that Tracy was my model last week and hence earned the title of as loved as Zoe's Chocolate Chip Cookie. This week she was a big cheese and teaching from the front. This was great news for her- she did great. I did HORRIBLE. I kept mixing up my feet, forgetting the steps, basically I looked like an octopus with her tentacles all tied in knots. I'm very sorry for anyone who was behind me and tried to watch me. Actually. I lied. Im not- at least you got some humor out of it all. OH- and there was a video camera in front of me. It wasn't like it was pointed in my direction, but it was still too close. I was worried I would run into it or trip on it somehow. (Yes- if you know me, I trip on flat surfaces).
Of course, my reliable Shelley was also teaching. She is as loved as Zoe's Chocolate Cake for taking the time and effort to work with me (and not giving up or getting visibly frustrated). I mean, yes, I realize this is what she gets paid to do, but I think she goes above and beyond.
Speaking of...can we talk about something a little awkward? Well, can I? I often worry that if I work out toooooooo much, I might lose my boobs. I mean, I know that sounds stupid. If it does, you didn't deal with Jamie Smyth and gang calling you "sunken treasure chest" in middle school. So getting fat and getting boobs was pretty bonus. I mean, I wouldn't mind a nice reduction without surgery, but traditionally fit women are also flat chested. I am thankful that my instructors chose to wear tank tops today that showed that fit people can have boobs too. The ladies at the office and I have been discussing this for about a week, so they were glad that I received reassurance this morning. Random, I know. If they show up tomorrow in bulky sweatshirts, I've clearly made them uncomfortable. SORRY.
The third instructor is this adorable gal named Krystal. She's such a cutie! She is major high energy and makes you want to jump as high as you can even though that is only a 1/100000000 of an inch off the floor. She is also a doll for being welcoming to me and making me feel like part of the GCC family. Tonight she gets a name from me because I now adore her as much as....well, something that I really like and something that is super sweet. Krystal is a cake donut....not just any cake donut- she's from Fultondale Bakery. Holla!!!
At any rate, I survived Body Attack. I am thankful for my friend, Kristen, for getting me there and keeping me there. She constantly encourages me during class, which is awesome. Also- this lady (whom I don't know) came up to pat me on the back after class and tell me I did a good job. I want to think she was being sweet...maybe she reads the blog. However, there is this tiny part of me that is like, "Did she think the fat girl was going to die during class?" I never know how to respond. Fortunately I am lacking wit at 6 am, so I don't end up being a smartarse.
So anyway....I know this has been so random and off the wall and hardly about Body Attack but it is almost too much fun to poke fun at. I end up- because today is apparently my Groundhog's Day- trying to get down 280 (which should've taken 15 minutes) to meet a member. It takes me an hour. Seriously. So, I'm 40 minutes late for my appointment and she has her 2 year old with her. Oops. He would've been great had he not had to sit in a booth at the DQ for 2 hours :( Her phone died so I lend him mine- he didn't want MY angry birds, but he did watch tractor videos and spit on the phone. He also played with my car keys. I get ready leave and can't drive off because my trunk is open- with my laptop in it. Yep- the kid popped my trunk. Holy smokes.
Oh well. I survived the day, but I still don't know when Adult Swim starts. And I wasn't wearing a Justin Beiber t-shirt.
I had one of my worst night's of sleep since I started working out (perhaps it was because I had spaghetti last night...for the first time in like 2 months?) and tossed and turned and looked at the clock. I'd like to say it was eagerness for class, but it was more of a desire to sleep. The alarm went off...Tank (the amazing dog) rolled back over to sleep and I started the routine: get dressed, wash face, brush teeth, force Tank awake, drag her outside. I grabbed my keys and my phone and headed out the door. In. Flip. Flops. Shiitake Mushrooms- these shoes won't work. I put on my socks and shoes and head back out...start to pull out of my parking space and something feels off. I forgot my water. Rush back to the apartment. It's UNLOCKED. What the crap?! I mean, the odds of someone breaking in my apartment at five in the morning are slim to none. The only people awake are people exercising and the biscuit makers.
Apparently, I missed the memo that today's session included a pre-prom workout. Seriously. We had 49 people in class and the average age of the worker outers was like 15. I was not the oldest person in the room, and I sure as SHELL wasn't the youngest. I kept wondering what time adult swim started. I was getting run over by Skipper and all of her friends that fit in the Barbie car...or maybe on the Barbie moped. We did the fun little run in a circle thing and the teeny bobbers kept running into me. It might've been my Justin Bieber t-shirt, but I'm not sure.
We had a different instructor today. Body Attack has three teachers, and this time, Tracy took the place of Freedom. Now, remember that Tracy was my model last week and hence earned the title of as loved as Zoe's Chocolate Chip Cookie. This week she was a big cheese and teaching from the front. This was great news for her- she did great. I did HORRIBLE. I kept mixing up my feet, forgetting the steps, basically I looked like an octopus with her tentacles all tied in knots. I'm very sorry for anyone who was behind me and tried to watch me. Actually. I lied. Im not- at least you got some humor out of it all. OH- and there was a video camera in front of me. It wasn't like it was pointed in my direction, but it was still too close. I was worried I would run into it or trip on it somehow. (Yes- if you know me, I trip on flat surfaces).
Of course, my reliable Shelley was also teaching. She is as loved as Zoe's Chocolate Cake for taking the time and effort to work with me (and not giving up or getting visibly frustrated). I mean, yes, I realize this is what she gets paid to do, but I think she goes above and beyond.
Speaking of...can we talk about something a little awkward? Well, can I? I often worry that if I work out toooooooo much, I might lose my boobs. I mean, I know that sounds stupid. If it does, you didn't deal with Jamie Smyth and gang calling you "sunken treasure chest" in middle school. So getting fat and getting boobs was pretty bonus. I mean, I wouldn't mind a nice reduction without surgery, but traditionally fit women are also flat chested. I am thankful that my instructors chose to wear tank tops today that showed that fit people can have boobs too. The ladies at the office and I have been discussing this for about a week, so they were glad that I received reassurance this morning. Random, I know. If they show up tomorrow in bulky sweatshirts, I've clearly made them uncomfortable. SORRY.
The third instructor is this adorable gal named Krystal. She's such a cutie! She is major high energy and makes you want to jump as high as you can even though that is only a 1/100000000 of an inch off the floor. She is also a doll for being welcoming to me and making me feel like part of the GCC family. Tonight she gets a name from me because I now adore her as much as....well, something that I really like and something that is super sweet. Krystal is a cake donut....not just any cake donut- she's from Fultondale Bakery. Holla!!!
At any rate, I survived Body Attack. I am thankful for my friend, Kristen, for getting me there and keeping me there. She constantly encourages me during class, which is awesome. Also- this lady (whom I don't know) came up to pat me on the back after class and tell me I did a good job. I want to think she was being sweet...maybe she reads the blog. However, there is this tiny part of me that is like, "Did she think the fat girl was going to die during class?" I never know how to respond. Fortunately I am lacking wit at 6 am, so I don't end up being a smartarse.
So anyway....I know this has been so random and off the wall and hardly about Body Attack but it is almost too much fun to poke fun at. I end up- because today is apparently my Groundhog's Day- trying to get down 280 (which should've taken 15 minutes) to meet a member. It takes me an hour. Seriously. So, I'm 40 minutes late for my appointment and she has her 2 year old with her. Oops. He would've been great had he not had to sit in a booth at the DQ for 2 hours :( Her phone died so I lend him mine- he didn't want MY angry birds, but he did watch tractor videos and spit on the phone. He also played with my car keys. I get ready leave and can't drive off because my trunk is open- with my laptop in it. Yep- the kid popped my trunk. Holy smokes.
Oh well. I survived the day, but I still don't know when Adult Swim starts. And I wasn't wearing a Justin Beiber t-shirt.
Wednesday, April 18, 2012
The Day from Shell....
I'm just guessing here, but when you walk into boot camp and hear death metal- it isn't going to be a fun day. Well, that is what happened on Tuesday- or what we will call "the day from sHELL".
My body is having a hard time adjusting to working out 2-3 times a week and then going 3 days without a workout. So, Tuesday felt "off" to start. I was so tired, I was achy, and I didn't have a pep in my step (haha- as if I ever do at fo-fo-fi in the morning). At any rate, we arrived at boot camp to hear Five Finger Death Punch or something playing songs about pain, death, and probably mass murders. I'd tell you for sure, but I couldn't understand a single word of the screaming music.
We started with ten minutes of running. I walked. I still can't quite get to a running point yet. Honestly- I tried to jog and felt like I was going to explode. My legs hurt SO bad. It's like 250 pounds were crashing down on my knees or something. Hmmm. So, I walked really fast. My goal was to stay at least 1/2 a lap ahead of the geriatrics who were walking, and I did it! Yeah me!! Of course, I was lapped by my classmates (who aren't geriatric), but the nursing home group stayed at least 1/2 a lap behind me. I'm counting that as success. Also, it looks like my mile is going to beat my previous time of 16 minutes. Holla!
After our 10 minutes, sHELLey announced that she hadn't had a great past few days. Duh. I mean, really? Death metal is never a sign of joy and happiness. So- we were glad to work it out for her. We spread into our little squares and she divided up the terrific trio (these are 3 friends who are all soooo fit and she always separates them. I don't know why, but I do know one of them is Freedom...). We didn't some seriously torturous exercises back to back for 30 seconds each: mountain climbers, push-ups, jumping jacks, jumping squats, lunges, planks, hovers, and the soulja boy because we did superman that h, and who knows what else. Supposedly we then went to 25 seconds on each exercise, but I know she was lying. I am going to have to get an exercise watch. I think we went to 55 seconds each. I was sweating so bad and well, Chinese Water Torture has nothing on these exercises. If this was an infomercial, I would tell you- BUT WAIT- THAT's NOT ALL!
Then we were lined up and did exercises and had to exercise, then jog, then exercise, and on and on. I remember that one exercise is the "head, shoulders, knees, and toes" one only because I sang the song while people did it. I jogged in place while others jogged around the room and smiled and laughed. I was crying on the inside. BUT WAIT! THERE'S MORE!!!
Then we did the DKL. This is what my favoritest principal in the world, Keith, did with students when they misbehaved. The invisible chair. Yes indeed. We all lined up and sat against the wall in the invisible chair while one person did crunches, then they had to run to the other wall, then the next person did crunches (hello domino?). Before your crunches and after, you were in the invisible chair. If you've never done this, get off your butt now. Go to the wall, and slide down until it is like you're in a chair- without one. Sit there for about 4 minutes and then tell me how you feel. IT SUCKS. It's sHELLacious.
My legs still hurt today, I was visiting a school and for real prayed that they had close parking so I didn't have to walk up a hill. I took my dog for a walk tonight and thought my legs might fall off. If I have one leg at Attack tomorrow, it isn't my fault.
Holy crap. I almost forgot to tell you about the end of class. That would have been a travesty. So...then we do isometrics? Anyway, we had to try to do a plank and lift a leg and an arm and holy moly. I looked like a grasshopper when you rip its legs off. It was so funny...maybe even funnier than the praise Jesus exercise we do. If I were the teacher, I'd totally plant a hidden camera in their and sell that stuff to a tv network.
So- that was our day from sHELL. I think we are like 1/2 done. AND...I finished my 24 day cleanse today. HOLLA! I thought I had more time, but I am so not complaining. Tomorrow is my Reese Cup day. I'm stoked. I can now eat everything (in moderation) and watch my calories.
Tomorrow morning is Body Attack and my apartment hopes it provides me as much energy as last week so I will clean again :) I hope so too- I like a clean apartment ;)
My body is having a hard time adjusting to working out 2-3 times a week and then going 3 days without a workout. So, Tuesday felt "off" to start. I was so tired, I was achy, and I didn't have a pep in my step (haha- as if I ever do at fo-fo-fi in the morning). At any rate, we arrived at boot camp to hear Five Finger Death Punch or something playing songs about pain, death, and probably mass murders. I'd tell you for sure, but I couldn't understand a single word of the screaming music.
We started with ten minutes of running. I walked. I still can't quite get to a running point yet. Honestly- I tried to jog and felt like I was going to explode. My legs hurt SO bad. It's like 250 pounds were crashing down on my knees or something. Hmmm. So, I walked really fast. My goal was to stay at least 1/2 a lap ahead of the geriatrics who were walking, and I did it! Yeah me!! Of course, I was lapped by my classmates (who aren't geriatric), but the nursing home group stayed at least 1/2 a lap behind me. I'm counting that as success. Also, it looks like my mile is going to beat my previous time of 16 minutes. Holla!
After our 10 minutes, sHELLey announced that she hadn't had a great past few days. Duh. I mean, really? Death metal is never a sign of joy and happiness. So- we were glad to work it out for her. We spread into our little squares and she divided up the terrific trio (these are 3 friends who are all soooo fit and she always separates them. I don't know why, but I do know one of them is Freedom...). We didn't some seriously torturous exercises back to back for 30 seconds each: mountain climbers, push-ups, jumping jacks, jumping squats, lunges, planks, hovers, and the soulja boy because we did superman that h, and who knows what else. Supposedly we then went to 25 seconds on each exercise, but I know she was lying. I am going to have to get an exercise watch. I think we went to 55 seconds each. I was sweating so bad and well, Chinese Water Torture has nothing on these exercises. If this was an infomercial, I would tell you- BUT WAIT- THAT's NOT ALL!
Then we were lined up and did exercises and had to exercise, then jog, then exercise, and on and on. I remember that one exercise is the "head, shoulders, knees, and toes" one only because I sang the song while people did it. I jogged in place while others jogged around the room and smiled and laughed. I was crying on the inside. BUT WAIT! THERE'S MORE!!!
Then we did the DKL. This is what my favoritest principal in the world, Keith, did with students when they misbehaved. The invisible chair. Yes indeed. We all lined up and sat against the wall in the invisible chair while one person did crunches, then they had to run to the other wall, then the next person did crunches (hello domino?). Before your crunches and after, you were in the invisible chair. If you've never done this, get off your butt now. Go to the wall, and slide down until it is like you're in a chair- without one. Sit there for about 4 minutes and then tell me how you feel. IT SUCKS. It's sHELLacious.
My legs still hurt today, I was visiting a school and for real prayed that they had close parking so I didn't have to walk up a hill. I took my dog for a walk tonight and thought my legs might fall off. If I have one leg at Attack tomorrow, it isn't my fault.
Holy crap. I almost forgot to tell you about the end of class. That would have been a travesty. So...then we do isometrics? Anyway, we had to try to do a plank and lift a leg and an arm and holy moly. I looked like a grasshopper when you rip its legs off. It was so funny...maybe even funnier than the praise Jesus exercise we do. If I were the teacher, I'd totally plant a hidden camera in their and sell that stuff to a tv network.
So- that was our day from sHELL. I think we are like 1/2 done. AND...I finished my 24 day cleanse today. HOLLA! I thought I had more time, but I am so not complaining. Tomorrow is my Reese Cup day. I'm stoked. I can now eat everything (in moderation) and watch my calories.
Tomorrow morning is Body Attack and my apartment hopes it provides me as much energy as last week so I will clean again :) I hope so too- I like a clean apartment ;)
Monday, April 16, 2012
Cupcakes, Cereal and Rice- Oh My!
I spend so much time thinking about food...morning, noon and night. It's like the old joke goes, I only think about food two times a day: daytime and nighttime. At any rate, dieting has made my food thoughts so much more intense. I crave food because I can't have it. For example, I like peanut butter, but I only eat it in things or with chili (because I eat a peanut butter and lettuce sandwich). I don't just have a celery stick with some peanut butter or a pb&j sandwich. Now, I want it all the time. It is so stupid.
So, I decided to write about all of the foods that I love and I miss oh so much. I'm sure everyone is expecting to see a list of different types of candies, but I really only miss chocolate and jellybeans :) This is my ode to food...
My most missed food is the Full Moon plate: chicken tenders, fries, mac and cheese, texas toast, homemade ranch and a tall glass of sweet iced tea with good ice. I gave up tea for Lent and did NOT expect that I would turn Lent into a diet...so I haven't had tea in about 2 months. Torture. The Full Moon meal was in my belly at least once a week, and I LOVE it. Truthfully, I could order chicken tenders just about anywhere. I'm like a 5 year old.
Of course, I also ate Asian food at least once a week. If you notice that PF Changs closes the doors- it is my fault. I could easily spend $50 in there because I had to have lettuce wraps AND green beans AND a full meal. I miss my fried rice and Chang's chicken.
I miss mexican food and nachos. I'd do just about anything for a plate of Chuy's Panchos right now...it sounds so good. I miss chips and salsa and queso and SOUR CREAM!
Hamburger Heaven? I sure would love a cheeseburger with mayonnaise, lettuce and tomato. I want corn nuggets, french fries with chili and cheese and a root beer! Hamburger Heaven has become my personal hell.
Noodles. Noodles. Noodles. I also ate at Nothing but Noodles at least once a week....but I haven't been in almost 2 months. I could eat noodles for every meal and I miss them terribly. Of course, I ate 4 cheesesticks with my food, so I'm starting to figure out how I got fat!! I had noodles at Carabba's, Olive Garden, and anywhere else a noodle was sold.
When I bothered to eat at home, I often had half a box of cereal for dinner..and I miss my cereal. Fruity Pebbles, Honey Bunches of Oats, and Cocoa Krispies were my favorites. I'd fill a bowl with cereal and milk and add cereal until the milk ran out.
I would gladly eat a whole cheese pizza right now too!! Of course, I would need it to be deep dish and prefer Pizza Hut with some cheesesticks and a salad :)
How would I wash all of this amazing food down? Although I loved sweet tea, I was a soda fanatic. I cured headaches with a Pepsi in a styrofoam cup on ice, and loved the taste of a good root beer or Coke. On a tired day, I would start with a Diet Mountain Dew.
I crave my drive-thru breakfasts of an egg and cheese biscuit, bread in any form- rolls, biscuits, cornbread, toast, or on a sandwich. I miss grilled cheese with soup, and appetizers with every meal.
Lest I forget the wonderful taste of sweets melting in my mouth...donuts, Pillsbury rolls, danish, cakes, cupcakes, and warm cookies with milk. I miss following the appetizer and full meal with dessert in a restaurant, especially the apple dumpling at Cracker Barrel. Don't be fooled- that is SATAN itself with 3229 calories. I miss the blondie at Applebee's, the Great Wall of Chocolate at PF Changs, and the chocolate chip paradise pie at Chili's. I miss the waffles at Waffle House.
My favorite sweet right now is the corn at Niki's West- I often want to eat there for Lima Beans. Weird! I've eaten enough chicken to feed a country in Africa, fields of broccoli and cauliflower, and plenty of fruit. I'm drinking plenty of water with my Spark to replace the caffeine I miss. Not only have I eaten adult chickens, but I've eaten all of their babies too. I "season" stuff with salsa and red pepper flakes.
When my cleanse is over, I am going to totally find a way to eat a chicken tender. Sure-it might be off the kids meal, and maybe I can't eat the whole serving. I don't want to give it all up, but I don't want to be a tub-o-lard anymore either :)
Of course- my first post-cleanse treat is a Reese Cup. It will have to be fresh, and I will push the middle out and eat it up. Then I will eat the outside. I'm hoping to wash it down with a glass of milk. I get to do that because I've passed my 15 pound mark.
I'm learning a lesson and that's pretty cool. I really pay attention to what I eat and the calories (for example- a roll at Logan's is 227 calories, but a roll at O'Charley's is 130). I'm starting to enjoy working out, and have added an additional class each week. Maybe I will make my goal after all :)
So, I decided to write about all of the foods that I love and I miss oh so much. I'm sure everyone is expecting to see a list of different types of candies, but I really only miss chocolate and jellybeans :) This is my ode to food...
My most missed food is the Full Moon plate: chicken tenders, fries, mac and cheese, texas toast, homemade ranch and a tall glass of sweet iced tea with good ice. I gave up tea for Lent and did NOT expect that I would turn Lent into a diet...so I haven't had tea in about 2 months. Torture. The Full Moon meal was in my belly at least once a week, and I LOVE it. Truthfully, I could order chicken tenders just about anywhere. I'm like a 5 year old.
Of course, I also ate Asian food at least once a week. If you notice that PF Changs closes the doors- it is my fault. I could easily spend $50 in there because I had to have lettuce wraps AND green beans AND a full meal. I miss my fried rice and Chang's chicken.
I miss mexican food and nachos. I'd do just about anything for a plate of Chuy's Panchos right now...it sounds so good. I miss chips and salsa and queso and SOUR CREAM!
Hamburger Heaven? I sure would love a cheeseburger with mayonnaise, lettuce and tomato. I want corn nuggets, french fries with chili and cheese and a root beer! Hamburger Heaven has become my personal hell.
Noodles. Noodles. Noodles. I also ate at Nothing but Noodles at least once a week....but I haven't been in almost 2 months. I could eat noodles for every meal and I miss them terribly. Of course, I ate 4 cheesesticks with my food, so I'm starting to figure out how I got fat!! I had noodles at Carabba's, Olive Garden, and anywhere else a noodle was sold.
When I bothered to eat at home, I often had half a box of cereal for dinner..and I miss my cereal. Fruity Pebbles, Honey Bunches of Oats, and Cocoa Krispies were my favorites. I'd fill a bowl with cereal and milk and add cereal until the milk ran out.
I would gladly eat a whole cheese pizza right now too!! Of course, I would need it to be deep dish and prefer Pizza Hut with some cheesesticks and a salad :)
How would I wash all of this amazing food down? Although I loved sweet tea, I was a soda fanatic. I cured headaches with a Pepsi in a styrofoam cup on ice, and loved the taste of a good root beer or Coke. On a tired day, I would start with a Diet Mountain Dew.
I crave my drive-thru breakfasts of an egg and cheese biscuit, bread in any form- rolls, biscuits, cornbread, toast, or on a sandwich. I miss grilled cheese with soup, and appetizers with every meal.
Lest I forget the wonderful taste of sweets melting in my mouth...donuts, Pillsbury rolls, danish, cakes, cupcakes, and warm cookies with milk. I miss following the appetizer and full meal with dessert in a restaurant, especially the apple dumpling at Cracker Barrel. Don't be fooled- that is SATAN itself with 3229 calories. I miss the blondie at Applebee's, the Great Wall of Chocolate at PF Changs, and the chocolate chip paradise pie at Chili's. I miss the waffles at Waffle House.
My favorite sweet right now is the corn at Niki's West- I often want to eat there for Lima Beans. Weird! I've eaten enough chicken to feed a country in Africa, fields of broccoli and cauliflower, and plenty of fruit. I'm drinking plenty of water with my Spark to replace the caffeine I miss. Not only have I eaten adult chickens, but I've eaten all of their babies too. I "season" stuff with salsa and red pepper flakes.
When my cleanse is over, I am going to totally find a way to eat a chicken tender. Sure-it might be off the kids meal, and maybe I can't eat the whole serving. I don't want to give it all up, but I don't want to be a tub-o-lard anymore either :)
Of course- my first post-cleanse treat is a Reese Cup. It will have to be fresh, and I will push the middle out and eat it up. Then I will eat the outside. I'm hoping to wash it down with a glass of milk. I get to do that because I've passed my 15 pound mark.
I'm learning a lesson and that's pretty cool. I really pay attention to what I eat and the calories (for example- a roll at Logan's is 227 calories, but a roll at O'Charley's is 130). I'm starting to enjoy working out, and have added an additional class each week. Maybe I will make my goal after all :)
Saturday, April 14, 2012
And she's climbing the stairway to he....
Here comes day 4 of Boot Camp. Honestly, I have no idea how many more days of this I have...but this is for real boot camp. I'm sort of worried to check my mail at this point- there may be draft papers from the President. I always wear my hair up above my collar and try to keep it neat. The only military thing we are missing is those cool songs that go along with the running and marches (Shelley???).
I arrive at boot camp VERY sore. Of course, I did Body Attack which was fun and exhausting. My knees were killing me and so were my calf muscles (along with my shoulders and back). I did this little announcement of my pain on facebook the night before and called Shelley every nice word I could come up with...I was so hoping she'd be kind. We started with a 15 minute "run". I opted for the inside track and a walking version of a run. As I walked my laps, I constantly worried about whether or not someone would hear me screaming when I tore my calf muscle. I also totally worried that the three old people behind me were going to lap me. UGH. It is one thing to be lapped by by fellow bootcampers, it is a whole 'nother ballgame to be lapped by a 70-something threesome who is talking as fast as they walk.
The next part of bootcamp can best be described at the devil's staircase. We started with jumping jacks for 30 seconds, then added another exercise for 30 seconds, then another, and another and another and another and another and another and....well, you get the idea. We did push-ups, planks, squats and biceps. Holy smokes- and the breather in between seemed to disappear. So, we added up to like 6 exercises and then worked our way back down. See? It was basically hell.
As we climbed the stairway to hell, Shelley spread out mats around the room. This was very scary, but not nearly as scary as what the mats were for. If you've read my blog, you know that the worst exercise in the history of the world is the burpee. It is not made for obese people. It is not made for uncoordinated people, it is not made for ME. So, of course, we do a version of the burpee (or 5). Everyone gets on a mat in the egg-shaped circle and assumes the hover position. We stay in that position while we play burpee duck-duck-goose. One person does 5 burpees and then runs around the circle, the the next person goes....Shelley is so sweet, she picked the person next to me to go first. So I was the second burpee-er in the group. It forces you to try to go really fast, everyone else is hovering and it hurts!!! So, I dropped, pushed-up, crawled back to a stand, praised Jesus and repeated it 4 more times. I think I added an apology in too. Then I ran around the circle looking like a doofus and back to hover. It took us 6 minutes to do the entire "domino".
Then came the best part of class- THE END :) I was proud to have survived yet another day. I was so disappointed that like half the class didn't come. I mean, if my fat butt can make it- so can you, ya know? I also knew it was going to be a very physical day at work and stressful.
Here's a difference between boot camp and body attack. After Attack, I cleaned my apartment, was full of energy and got so much done. After boot camp, I felt the evil chill take over my body and I went home and crawled in bed "to get warm", I managed to fall asleep and snooze about a million times. Boot camp is exhausting- it wears you out in mind and body. You have to continue to use your mind to get through the physical work. It is crazy!!
As an aside- I received two Easter baskets full of candy. I have yet to open a single piece. When I hit my 15 pound mark, I will be eating a Reese Cup...but I am learning some self-control and that excites me.
I arrive at boot camp VERY sore. Of course, I did Body Attack which was fun and exhausting. My knees were killing me and so were my calf muscles (along with my shoulders and back). I did this little announcement of my pain on facebook the night before and called Shelley every nice word I could come up with...I was so hoping she'd be kind. We started with a 15 minute "run". I opted for the inside track and a walking version of a run. As I walked my laps, I constantly worried about whether or not someone would hear me screaming when I tore my calf muscle. I also totally worried that the three old people behind me were going to lap me. UGH. It is one thing to be lapped by by fellow bootcampers, it is a whole 'nother ballgame to be lapped by a 70-something threesome who is talking as fast as they walk.
The next part of bootcamp can best be described at the devil's staircase. We started with jumping jacks for 30 seconds, then added another exercise for 30 seconds, then another, and another and another and another and another and another and....well, you get the idea. We did push-ups, planks, squats and biceps. Holy smokes- and the breather in between seemed to disappear. So, we added up to like 6 exercises and then worked our way back down. See? It was basically hell.
As we climbed the stairway to hell, Shelley spread out mats around the room. This was very scary, but not nearly as scary as what the mats were for. If you've read my blog, you know that the worst exercise in the history of the world is the burpee. It is not made for obese people. It is not made for uncoordinated people, it is not made for ME. So, of course, we do a version of the burpee (or 5). Everyone gets on a mat in the egg-shaped circle and assumes the hover position. We stay in that position while we play burpee duck-duck-goose. One person does 5 burpees and then runs around the circle, the the next person goes....Shelley is so sweet, she picked the person next to me to go first. So I was the second burpee-er in the group. It forces you to try to go really fast, everyone else is hovering and it hurts!!! So, I dropped, pushed-up, crawled back to a stand, praised Jesus and repeated it 4 more times. I think I added an apology in too. Then I ran around the circle looking like a doofus and back to hover. It took us 6 minutes to do the entire "domino".
Then came the best part of class- THE END :) I was proud to have survived yet another day. I was so disappointed that like half the class didn't come. I mean, if my fat butt can make it- so can you, ya know? I also knew it was going to be a very physical day at work and stressful.
Here's a difference between boot camp and body attack. After Attack, I cleaned my apartment, was full of energy and got so much done. After boot camp, I felt the evil chill take over my body and I went home and crawled in bed "to get warm", I managed to fall asleep and snooze about a million times. Boot camp is exhausting- it wears you out in mind and body. You have to continue to use your mind to get through the physical work. It is crazy!!
As an aside- I received two Easter baskets full of candy. I have yet to open a single piece. When I hit my 15 pound mark, I will be eating a Reese Cup...but I am learning some self-control and that excites me.
Thursday, April 12, 2012
So, your challenge is to talk to three strangers...
Seriously. This is what I get for SOMEONE telling the "teacher" about my blog, and that someone was NOT me. SHE reads it and then gives me homework, as if anyone else is getting it? Puh-lease. At any rate, last night SHE facebooked me with the homework assignment of talking to three strangers this morning. That's the result of mentioning that I'm fairly anti-social, with strangers, at 5 am. Truth is (and I know that none of you will believe this), I totally suck at small talk. I hate it. I hate talking on the phone, chit-chatting with random people, and coming up with something to say. Eh....it's a bit of a challenge in my line of work (ya think?)
Today was my first day of Body Attack, but it was sooooo not my last day. I LOVED it. I'm getting way ahead of myself. I was operating on about 4 hours sleep. Again, if you know me, you know that I love sleep just under my family, the Rainman, my best friend and donuts. So, I am not complaining about a short night's sleep- I needed to help a friend out. I arrived and ran into Kristen (who may or may not be the one who told HER about the blog) as we were walking in. Well, one of the other teachers stopped her and said, "Kristen, I read that blog. It was so good, and it made me tear up. I mean, it was so inspiring. That is why we do this." Of course, I'm standing there thinking they must be talking about someone else's blog because I can't imagine that this thing inspires anyone. Kristen then tells her that I am the blog author. AWKWARD. So, I briefly talk to her (Freedom is her name and she is GORGEOUS). I, of course, ask her to mention to Shelley that I talked to her- you know, because that's one stranger down, two to go.
Kristen advises me that we don't want to be in the back (ummmm, really?), because we want to see. Okay, this is a valid reason. So, we go to the side. Tracy (who is now my second love and is as amazing as a Zoe's chocolate chip cookie) stands right in front of me. You people have NO clue how helpful this was. When the teachers were bebopping like they could go for hours, Tracy was showing me the options that were low impact and wouldn't kill me. This is good news because there is only one dude in the class, and he probably doesn't want to give me mouth-to-mouth.
We did lunges, and squats, we ran, we did push-ups, crunches, a little salsa-y thing, jumping jacks that didn't kill my knees, shot fake baskets, kicked, clapped and just had one helluva time. Seriously. It was so fun. If I could, I would do it again...okay, maybe after a little soreness goes away.
Sure, there were a couple of times where my lips literally got stuck to my teeth. I was so glad no one wanted me to talk because I couldn't. I need like one of those beer can hats with water for this class. I got so tired, but it went really fast. Plus, I liked having the music.
After class I managed to talk to more strangers- because I didn't want to disappoint a certain teacher. I am SUCH a rule follower. I even came home and straightened my apartment, did a load of laundry, and cleaned up the piles of empty water bottles. My apartment was starting to look like a recycling facility. DON'T FREAK. I only keep like 6 water bottles and refill them with my Brita water. I'm not like a cruel environment person or something. Oh- and I had a billion pairs of shoes everywhere, so I cleaned those up too. Booya!
I'm totally going back to Body Attack next Thursday...and Boot Camp tomorrow (of course). I would like to add (as an aside) that I believe thongs should be banned in exercise. I mean, what is the point!?!? I don't want to see your whale tale and it isn't like the thing is holding your arse in. Whatever.
By the way- thanks so much for the feedback and encouragement. I'm pretty certain I don't have quite the skills for a book (I'm really certain of that), but the flattery is appreciated. I'm down 13.3 pounds and started dieting on Tuesday, March 13. Not bad for a month... OH- and I mailed off my registration for my very first 5K run. It is the donut dash in Celina, Ohio on October 9. You stop at 2 checkpoints during the run and for every donut you eat, they take 2 minutes off of your time. Sadly, they are glazed yeast donuts. If those things were cake (especially with icing and sprinkles) I would WIN the race.
Today was my first day of Body Attack, but it was sooooo not my last day. I LOVED it. I'm getting way ahead of myself. I was operating on about 4 hours sleep. Again, if you know me, you know that I love sleep just under my family, the Rainman, my best friend and donuts. So, I am not complaining about a short night's sleep- I needed to help a friend out. I arrived and ran into Kristen (who may or may not be the one who told HER about the blog) as we were walking in. Well, one of the other teachers stopped her and said, "Kristen, I read that blog. It was so good, and it made me tear up. I mean, it was so inspiring. That is why we do this." Of course, I'm standing there thinking they must be talking about someone else's blog because I can't imagine that this thing inspires anyone. Kristen then tells her that I am the blog author. AWKWARD. So, I briefly talk to her (Freedom is her name and she is GORGEOUS). I, of course, ask her to mention to Shelley that I talked to her- you know, because that's one stranger down, two to go.
Kristen advises me that we don't want to be in the back (ummmm, really?), because we want to see. Okay, this is a valid reason. So, we go to the side. Tracy (who is now my second love and is as amazing as a Zoe's chocolate chip cookie) stands right in front of me. You people have NO clue how helpful this was. When the teachers were bebopping like they could go for hours, Tracy was showing me the options that were low impact and wouldn't kill me. This is good news because there is only one dude in the class, and he probably doesn't want to give me mouth-to-mouth.
We did lunges, and squats, we ran, we did push-ups, crunches, a little salsa-y thing, jumping jacks that didn't kill my knees, shot fake baskets, kicked, clapped and just had one helluva time. Seriously. It was so fun. If I could, I would do it again...okay, maybe after a little soreness goes away.
Sure, there were a couple of times where my lips literally got stuck to my teeth. I was so glad no one wanted me to talk because I couldn't. I need like one of those beer can hats with water for this class. I got so tired, but it went really fast. Plus, I liked having the music.
After class I managed to talk to more strangers- because I didn't want to disappoint a certain teacher. I am SUCH a rule follower. I even came home and straightened my apartment, did a load of laundry, and cleaned up the piles of empty water bottles. My apartment was starting to look like a recycling facility. DON'T FREAK. I only keep like 6 water bottles and refill them with my Brita water. I'm not like a cruel environment person or something. Oh- and I had a billion pairs of shoes everywhere, so I cleaned those up too. Booya!
I'm totally going back to Body Attack next Thursday...and Boot Camp tomorrow (of course). I would like to add (as an aside) that I believe thongs should be banned in exercise. I mean, what is the point!?!? I don't want to see your whale tale and it isn't like the thing is holding your arse in. Whatever.
By the way- thanks so much for the feedback and encouragement. I'm pretty certain I don't have quite the skills for a book (I'm really certain of that), but the flattery is appreciated. I'm down 13.3 pounds and started dieting on Tuesday, March 13. Not bad for a month... OH- and I mailed off my registration for my very first 5K run. It is the donut dash in Celina, Ohio on October 9. You stop at 2 checkpoints during the run and for every donut you eat, they take 2 minutes off of your time. Sadly, they are glazed yeast donuts. If those things were cake (especially with icing and sprinkles) I would WIN the race.
Wednesday, April 11, 2012
What Doesn't Kill You Makes You Stronger...
For some bizarre reason, I still cannot sleep well the night before boot camp. I wake up frequently to check the clock, and I woke up before my alarm AGAIN. Heck, I made it out the door before the flipping paper was delivered. Seriously? I mean, it is one thing to beat the sun...but the paper? Okay, so I get in the car and STRONGER by Kelly Clarkson is on. I'm pretty sure Shelley snuck in my car on Monday night to adjust the radio. Get this- it is following by "Work it, Make it, Do it"....Yep! STRONGER by Kanye West. Yes, God. I get the message.
I was on my own for this boot camp, and I was so nervous. I mean, I suck at being social with strangers. I really suck when it is 5 am and the setting is a gym with strangers who are exercising. I am so very thankful for this boot camp lady that I don't know, but she always talks to me...so I felt better. Let's be honest- not a soul cares about that- y'all just care about if I die or not.
So today is the "beep test". I will be renaming it the bleeping bleepety bleep test. We line up on one side of the gym and listen to this psycho male voice explain the directions. "You will be listening to a series of beeps. After each beep you will race to cross the line before the next beep. You will start this at a brisk walk..." (LIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!). Basically, you are trying to beat the beeps, which get faster and faster and faster. The dude who got the most beeps managed to cross the gym 111 times. The person with the least beeps got 12. Yep- ME. I was huffing and puffing like the big bad wolf, bent over, just trying to prevent a heart attack...oh- and not cry. I really wanted to cry, but I thought asking for my mommy in boot camp was uncool.
This, my friends, is the moment that I decided that I loved Shelley. I mean, I love her almost as much as Zoe's chocolate cake...she VERY casually walks over to where I am dying and says, "You ok?" I manage to get out a "yea" and she asks if I'm sure. It was so calm and cool. At that moment, I knew that she was a teacher. A for real teacher. Yes, she is going to bust my...butt, she is going to push and challenge me. However, at the end of the day, she wants me to succeed and probably not have a heart attack in her class. She cared, and that meant a lot. It would probably be best if we didn't tell her I feel this way, because she might bust my butt more.
The benefit to running 99 beeps less than the "winner" is that you get some cool off time. Thank goodness! I was able to regain my composure, put my heart back in my chest, and keep the vomit politely placed in my stomach. Don't worry- it didn't last long. We then went into some "floor exercises"- jumping jacks, push ups, mountain climbers, crunches, the bicycle thingy, high knee run (I like to call this the russian soldier- because that's what I look like during this exercise). I cannot even remember the others. This is what I do remember- my wrists and hands hurt soooo bad from holding my fat butt up during push-ups and planks. My back/shoulder something muscles still hurt.
The "grand" finale was a BURPEE. Okay. Does anyone know what this is? If so, you are already laughing at the mental picture of me trying it. I think this is how it goes- you start standing up, then you somehow get down to do a pushup, then you jump back up and throw your hands in the air....then you start over. Me? I start standing, very slowly get down so I don't break a wrist or ankle, do a push-up(ish), bring one leg in, then the other leg, stumble to stand, and throw my hands in the air to praise Jesus that I can stand. Seriously. This would win the grand championship of America's Funniest Home Video. It is like watching a baby try to stand for the first time.
Woohoo! We're done. I'm walking out, so thankful that I survived and I hear a girl say, "I'm going to have to work out extra because I ate two peanut butter eggs." I'm totally grossed out. I said, "peanut butter eggs?" (I said it like she announced she ate dog sh*t for breakfast, folks). DUH!!! Then I realized she was talking about the yummy chocolate goodness of a Reese's peanut butter egg. My dumb self thought she was talking about chicken eggs and peanut butter together. Holy cow! Can you tell I haven't had candy in a while? I was so embarrassed, and you know she thought I was stupid. Her mind was wondering how the fat chick didn't know about peanut butter candy. Oh well.
I made a deal to try Body Attack tomorrow morning...in like T minus 8 hours. Let's hope I survive that. At least I get extra calories for bunco tomorrow night.
I was on my own for this boot camp, and I was so nervous. I mean, I suck at being social with strangers. I really suck when it is 5 am and the setting is a gym with strangers who are exercising. I am so very thankful for this boot camp lady that I don't know, but she always talks to me...so I felt better. Let's be honest- not a soul cares about that- y'all just care about if I die or not.
So today is the "beep test". I will be renaming it the bleeping bleepety bleep test. We line up on one side of the gym and listen to this psycho male voice explain the directions. "You will be listening to a series of beeps. After each beep you will race to cross the line before the next beep. You will start this at a brisk walk..." (LIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!). Basically, you are trying to beat the beeps, which get faster and faster and faster. The dude who got the most beeps managed to cross the gym 111 times. The person with the least beeps got 12. Yep- ME. I was huffing and puffing like the big bad wolf, bent over, just trying to prevent a heart attack...oh- and not cry. I really wanted to cry, but I thought asking for my mommy in boot camp was uncool.
This, my friends, is the moment that I decided that I loved Shelley. I mean, I love her almost as much as Zoe's chocolate cake...she VERY casually walks over to where I am dying and says, "You ok?" I manage to get out a "yea" and she asks if I'm sure. It was so calm and cool. At that moment, I knew that she was a teacher. A for real teacher. Yes, she is going to bust my...butt, she is going to push and challenge me. However, at the end of the day, she wants me to succeed and probably not have a heart attack in her class. She cared, and that meant a lot. It would probably be best if we didn't tell her I feel this way, because she might bust my butt more.
The benefit to running 99 beeps less than the "winner" is that you get some cool off time. Thank goodness! I was able to regain my composure, put my heart back in my chest, and keep the vomit politely placed in my stomach. Don't worry- it didn't last long. We then went into some "floor exercises"- jumping jacks, push ups, mountain climbers, crunches, the bicycle thingy, high knee run (I like to call this the russian soldier- because that's what I look like during this exercise). I cannot even remember the others. This is what I do remember- my wrists and hands hurt soooo bad from holding my fat butt up during push-ups and planks. My back/shoulder something muscles still hurt.
The "grand" finale was a BURPEE. Okay. Does anyone know what this is? If so, you are already laughing at the mental picture of me trying it. I think this is how it goes- you start standing up, then you somehow get down to do a pushup, then you jump back up and throw your hands in the air....then you start over. Me? I start standing, very slowly get down so I don't break a wrist or ankle, do a push-up(ish), bring one leg in, then the other leg, stumble to stand, and throw my hands in the air to praise Jesus that I can stand. Seriously. This would win the grand championship of America's Funniest Home Video. It is like watching a baby try to stand for the first time.
Woohoo! We're done. I'm walking out, so thankful that I survived and I hear a girl say, "I'm going to have to work out extra because I ate two peanut butter eggs." I'm totally grossed out. I said, "peanut butter eggs?" (I said it like she announced she ate dog sh*t for breakfast, folks). DUH!!! Then I realized she was talking about the yummy chocolate goodness of a Reese's peanut butter egg. My dumb self thought she was talking about chicken eggs and peanut butter together. Holy cow! Can you tell I haven't had candy in a while? I was so embarrassed, and you know she thought I was stupid. Her mind was wondering how the fat chick didn't know about peanut butter candy. Oh well.
I made a deal to try Body Attack tomorrow morning...in like T minus 8 hours. Let's hope I survive that. At least I get extra calories for bunco tomorrow night.
Friday, April 6, 2012
So if you didn't hear...I was dragged down the road by a donkey
Okay, in my first boot camp blog I referred to the time that I was dragged (drug?) down the road by a donkey. It was suggested that I tell the story, and since I have a few extra minutes :)
I used to live in the country. I had chickens, cute little goats, ducks (all named Jake), dogs, cats, and I really wanted a miniature donkey. My neighbors had a donkey farm and national champion donkeys- so I thought it would be cool to get one. I mean, so cool that I even spent almost two grand on the creature. He was handsome, a lovely shade of red, and I was hopeful he would be a champion someday.
Making a champion donkey takes a lot of work and time- and let's face it- I'm lazy. I mean, I'm working on it now, but I would much rather be inside watching tv than outside working with a live animal. So, I get up early one morning to take Sundance out for a walk. We walk up our road and practice him on a lead. Now, just because I called him "miniature" doesn't mean that he's teeny tiny or not strong. Trust me. He was VERY strong.
I used to live in the country. I had chickens, cute little goats, ducks (all named Jake), dogs, cats, and I really wanted a miniature donkey. My neighbors had a donkey farm and national champion donkeys- so I thought it would be cool to get one. I mean, so cool that I even spent almost two grand on the creature. He was handsome, a lovely shade of red, and I was hopeful he would be a champion someday.
Making a champion donkey takes a lot of work and time- and let's face it- I'm lazy. I mean, I'm working on it now, but I would much rather be inside watching tv than outside working with a live animal. So, I get up early one morning to take Sundance out for a walk. We walk up our road and practice him on a lead. Now, just because I called him "miniature" doesn't mean that he's teeny tiny or not strong. Trust me. He was VERY strong.
So, we are walking back down the road and he decides to jog. I want you to pause for a minute and realize that he has 4 legs- and I only have 2. This automatically means he can run faster than I can. In addition, we are going downhill- and fast! I get him in control and we start to walk again. That ass decides he wants to run, and this time he goes for it. I am running just as fast as I can, so fast that my legs aren't moving as fast as my body. Do you know what I mean? I'm out of control, and then I'm on my face. All I can think about is the cost of this donkey and that my neighbor lady will KILL me if I lose him. So I hold on for dear life. Finally, when I fear my teeth are going to start falling out, I let go of his lead. He takes off and I get up. I hobble behind him, blood pouring down my face, legs, arms. I'm crying and yelling, "Sundance! Sundance, come back!" Well, I think I am yelling, but I am not doing much good.
Do you know where the little jerk goes? HOME. Apparently, this is why horses die in fires- they go home when panicked (I clearly didn't know this). When I catch up to him he is trying to jump over the fence into his pasture. I grab him, drag him to the neighbor's door, and wake them up. I didn't realize that I needed a trip to the hospital, I just wanted help putting him up. As you can see below, my injuries were worse than I realized, and I had to go to the hospital.
Can you imagine how much fun they had? I was clearly their first case of being dragged down the road by a donkey...I was covered in blood, required 7 stitches in my forehead, had road rash all the way down the front of my body, scraped up knees and elbows, and I had to get a tetanus shot. It was totally worth the great story though, and we got 7th place at nationals (out of 7, but who's counting?). I gave up my donkey career shortly after that experience...
Oh My Gah...I'm Going to Die
No seriously. Do you know how many times I said that this morning? It was followed only by, "I think I'm going to puke." Yep! It was time to return to boot camp. I'll confess to looking forward to it- in fact, I even woke up at 4:29 (one whole minute before my alarm went off). I was even standing at the curb waiting for Misty when she came to pick me up.
It was a cool morning after the storms came through yesterday, and we were prepared for an outdoor morning. Okay, I thought I was- but I so wasn't. First of all, Shelley (whose name I spelled wrong in Day 1's blog) wasn't there. WHAT?!! I was not prepared for that. So, Melissa announced that we would start with "hovers" followed by the mile. She even had towels for people who needed them. Apparently, I needed one, but...I didn't know what a hover was. The closest thing I could imagine was a HoverRound, and I knew there wasn't a chance in hockeysticks that I was going to get to race anyone on a battery operated cart. So, I just looked around and felt silly. Finally, someone shouted out that there were some new folks. A hover, in case you're wondering, is basically a plank with your forearms on the ground (in this case, concrete). That was kind of fun (shhhh- don't tell). Then came the mile. That sucked.
This excitement was followed by the part that nearly killed me, and made me realize that I got ABSOLUTELY nothing from my mother...except for the peach fuzz covering my face (you know, the stuff that shows beautifully in pictures) and the worstest knees in the world. Heck, I might not even have knees.
We grouped in teams of 3 or 4 and lined up next to a tree. We had to get to a middle tree in various ways and then do some form of torture...no break really and each "exercise" lasted 5 minutes. So we did jumping squats and jumping jacks, duck walks and mountain climbers, lunges, bear walk (well, they bear walked...I didn't do so well), we did a 20 count plank, push-ups and suicides. I thought I might die, for real. The odds were very high this morning. I wanted to cuss Melissa out, she was trying to kill me. Then she mentioned it was her birthday (whew! Good thing I didn't cuss her out, eh?).
My hands hurt from the wet grass (and the constant sliding down during the mountainman climber thingy), my knees were wet, my shoes are a mess, and I am SO SORE! I don't think my knees were prepared for all of the impact they got today- and I still feel like a complete idiot in there. I mean, I know they aren't all watching me, but my mom sang "You're So Vain" to me as a kid for a reason.
I came home, wet, cold, and cold. I even crawled back in bed to warm up and stayed cold all day. Oh- and I limped because I think I left my knees in the grass at the Civic Center. I hope some kid doesn't think they're Easter eggs.
I'm looking forward to going back on Tuesday...I hope Shelley is back- and I'm not just saying that because she apparently now reads the blog. I like the bark and the fact that she gives options for the fat girl and because I know she is going to push me.
The other day one of the trainers told me that she used to weigh 200 pounds. I kind of scoffed at her because I weigh quite a bit more than that, but it shows that results can come of this. Heck, maybe someday I'll be the girl inspiring the next girl when I say, "Stick with it. I used to weigh 263.5 pounds." Who knows?
Have a great Easter weekend. Maybe someday I'll tell you about belly dancing...
J
It was a cool morning after the storms came through yesterday, and we were prepared for an outdoor morning. Okay, I thought I was- but I so wasn't. First of all, Shelley (whose name I spelled wrong in Day 1's blog) wasn't there. WHAT?!! I was not prepared for that. So, Melissa announced that we would start with "hovers" followed by the mile. She even had towels for people who needed them. Apparently, I needed one, but...I didn't know what a hover was. The closest thing I could imagine was a HoverRound, and I knew there wasn't a chance in hockeysticks that I was going to get to race anyone on a battery operated cart. So, I just looked around and felt silly. Finally, someone shouted out that there were some new folks. A hover, in case you're wondering, is basically a plank with your forearms on the ground (in this case, concrete). That was kind of fun (shhhh- don't tell). Then came the mile. That sucked.
This excitement was followed by the part that nearly killed me, and made me realize that I got ABSOLUTELY nothing from my mother...except for the peach fuzz covering my face (you know, the stuff that shows beautifully in pictures) and the worstest knees in the world. Heck, I might not even have knees.
We grouped in teams of 3 or 4 and lined up next to a tree. We had to get to a middle tree in various ways and then do some form of torture...no break really and each "exercise" lasted 5 minutes. So we did jumping squats and jumping jacks, duck walks and mountain climbers, lunges, bear walk (well, they bear walked...I didn't do so well), we did a 20 count plank, push-ups and suicides. I thought I might die, for real. The odds were very high this morning. I wanted to cuss Melissa out, she was trying to kill me. Then she mentioned it was her birthday (whew! Good thing I didn't cuss her out, eh?).
My hands hurt from the wet grass (and the constant sliding down during the mountainman climber thingy), my knees were wet, my shoes are a mess, and I am SO SORE! I don't think my knees were prepared for all of the impact they got today- and I still feel like a complete idiot in there. I mean, I know they aren't all watching me, but my mom sang "You're So Vain" to me as a kid for a reason.
I came home, wet, cold, and cold. I even crawled back in bed to warm up and stayed cold all day. Oh- and I limped because I think I left my knees in the grass at the Civic Center. I hope some kid doesn't think they're Easter eggs.
I'm looking forward to going back on Tuesday...I hope Shelley is back- and I'm not just saying that because she apparently now reads the blog. I like the bark and the fact that she gives options for the fat girl and because I know she is going to push me.
The other day one of the trainers told me that she used to weigh 200 pounds. I kind of scoffed at her because I weigh quite a bit more than that, but it shows that results can come of this. Heck, maybe someday I'll be the girl inspiring the next girl when I say, "Stick with it. I used to weigh 263.5 pounds." Who knows?
Have a great Easter weekend. Maybe someday I'll tell you about belly dancing...
J
Wednesday, April 4, 2012
I'm in the ARMY now...first day of Boot Camp Pt. 1
I already have my pretty new gym shoes that my parents helped me pick out, I went out and invested in some new DD containers, and I even set everything out the night before. Truthfully, I was like a kid on Christmas Eve. Well, more like a teacher the night before the first day of school. I didn't sleep well, I was TERRIFIED of what was ahead, and I kept waking up to make sure I didn't miss the alarm. You know, the one set for 4:30 am....3 hours earlier than usual.
We walk in the Civic Center and I was so nervous. I saw this fierce looking lady- very runnerish, could kick your butt, and she had a bark. I might've peed a little. She briskly directs us to this gym to fill out paperwork.
I look around the room and see Mattel's entire 2011 Barbie Line. These people got up and did their hair for friggin boot camp. They had matchy matchy gym outfits on and clearly all hung out together at the tennis courts, country club, or (well, it is Gardendale) the First Baptist Church.
Well the barking runner lady came in, because DUH! she's the teacher, and announced that there was no need to be worried- we'd "only" be doing assessments on the first day and that included running a mile, push-ups, sit-ups, and crunches. We'll call this barking runner lady "Shelli" simply because that is her name. Shelli told us that we could take as long as we wanted to run this first mile, but they'd start other assessments in the gym after 20 minutes (then she glimpses at the fat girl), take as long as you need (fat girl glimpse), no one is judging you (anyone want to guess where she looked), and we were just setting the baseline.
Sooooo...we all go outside and people take off running. Barbie, Skipper and the gang were so excited to see if they could beat their previous time. I just remembered that the last time I moved quicker than a jog was when I was being dragged down the road on my face by a donkey. Anyway, I take off at a slight jog and someone I knows jogs up beside me and says, "So, Jocelyn, what brings you here?" Seriously? Ummmm...it's 5:00 in the morning, I'm overweight, and trying to jog my first mile since 8th grade, oh- and I can barely breathe already. Being my polite, morning person self I reply, "DEATH." and keep running (okay jogging). All I knew at this point is that I had decided that I was going to do this in LESS than 20 minutes. I walked as fast as I could. I counted the people that lapped me. As I neared the end, Shelli was outside yelling for me to "push it", so I started to jog again and crossed the finish line with some classmates cheering me on. 16:12 was the time for my mile, and you better believe I will beat it.
The rest of boot camp was fairly uneventful...we did push-ups (and I did a few), we did sit-ups (and I did a few), we did crunches. Did you know that sit-ups and crunches are different? Yea, well, crunches are the ones that fat people can't do because your elbows can't touch your knees.
I survived Day 1.
We walk in the Civic Center and I was so nervous. I saw this fierce looking lady- very runnerish, could kick your butt, and she had a bark. I might've peed a little. She briskly directs us to this gym to fill out paperwork.
I look around the room and see Mattel's entire 2011 Barbie Line. These people got up and did their hair for friggin boot camp. They had matchy matchy gym outfits on and clearly all hung out together at the tennis courts, country club, or (well, it is Gardendale) the First Baptist Church.
Well the barking runner lady came in, because DUH! she's the teacher, and announced that there was no need to be worried- we'd "only" be doing assessments on the first day and that included running a mile, push-ups, sit-ups, and crunches. We'll call this barking runner lady "Shelli" simply because that is her name. Shelli told us that we could take as long as we wanted to run this first mile, but they'd start other assessments in the gym after 20 minutes (then she glimpses at the fat girl), take as long as you need (fat girl glimpse), no one is judging you (anyone want to guess where she looked), and we were just setting the baseline.
Sooooo...we all go outside and people take off running. Barbie, Skipper and the gang were so excited to see if they could beat their previous time. I just remembered that the last time I moved quicker than a jog was when I was being dragged down the road on my face by a donkey. Anyway, I take off at a slight jog and someone I knows jogs up beside me and says, "So, Jocelyn, what brings you here?" Seriously? Ummmm...it's 5:00 in the morning, I'm overweight, and trying to jog my first mile since 8th grade, oh- and I can barely breathe already. Being my polite, morning person self I reply, "DEATH." and keep running (okay jogging). All I knew at this point is that I had decided that I was going to do this in LESS than 20 minutes. I walked as fast as I could. I counted the people that lapped me. As I neared the end, Shelli was outside yelling for me to "push it", so I started to jog again and crossed the finish line with some classmates cheering me on. 16:12 was the time for my mile, and you better believe I will beat it.
The rest of boot camp was fairly uneventful...we did push-ups (and I did a few), we did sit-ups (and I did a few), we did crunches. Did you know that sit-ups and crunches are different? Yea, well, crunches are the ones that fat people can't do because your elbows can't touch your knees.
I survived Day 1.
Confessions of a 30-something Fat Girl
So...let me start by saying that this is my first blog experience. I may totally suck at it, but this dieting and exercise thing is almost too fun NOT to share :) I guess it also serves to hold me somewhat accountable, which is why I share the journey on facebook too.
When I was home in early March, I confessed to my parents how much I weighed. I thought my dad (Gary, Paps, whatever you want to call him) was going to have a heart attack right there. I knew, at that moment, that I had to lose some weight. Let me be clear, I am CRAZY unhealthy. Dessert after most every meal, soda all the time, and a passion for the fried foods...I mean, I LOVE Long John Silvers. Who does that? So, I made him a bet that I could lose 50 pounds by December. (We still haven't established what the bet is, I think he should have to get a tattoo if I lose it).
So, in my last day in Indiana and on my way home I did what all soon-to-be dieters do. I ate. I had the chicken tenders and 75 rolls at Texas Roadhouse, drank a marshmallow coke at the Custard, had the fried chicken tenders at Long John Silvers, and oh (SHOCKING!) had more fried chicken tenders for dinner. I also drank my body weight in Pepsi.
The next day was Day 1 of my diet. I started using myfitnesspal and cut my calories to 1280. No seriously. You read that right. 1280. Basically enough for a rabbit to survive. I've since started the Advocare 24 Day Challenge...today is day 10. I'm down about 11 pounds so far, I weigh in my sweats and tshirt every night.
I guess the next blog will be about Day 1 of bootcamp, but I thought you might want some background. So, read on...or not.
Oh. I weighed 263.5 pounds.
When I was home in early March, I confessed to my parents how much I weighed. I thought my dad (Gary, Paps, whatever you want to call him) was going to have a heart attack right there. I knew, at that moment, that I had to lose some weight. Let me be clear, I am CRAZY unhealthy. Dessert after most every meal, soda all the time, and a passion for the fried foods...I mean, I LOVE Long John Silvers. Who does that? So, I made him a bet that I could lose 50 pounds by December. (We still haven't established what the bet is, I think he should have to get a tattoo if I lose it).
So, in my last day in Indiana and on my way home I did what all soon-to-be dieters do. I ate. I had the chicken tenders and 75 rolls at Texas Roadhouse, drank a marshmallow coke at the Custard, had the fried chicken tenders at Long John Silvers, and oh (SHOCKING!) had more fried chicken tenders for dinner. I also drank my body weight in Pepsi.
The next day was Day 1 of my diet. I started using myfitnesspal and cut my calories to 1280. No seriously. You read that right. 1280. Basically enough for a rabbit to survive. I've since started the Advocare 24 Day Challenge...today is day 10. I'm down about 11 pounds so far, I weigh in my sweats and tshirt every night.
I guess the next blog will be about Day 1 of bootcamp, but I thought you might want some background. So, read on...or not.
Oh. I weighed 263.5 pounds.
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