Well piss!

First off, I can't believe I'm telling this story. Frankly, it's too good to keep a secret. I better start with some background information. You see, I hate the word poop. It disgusts me. I once dated a guy with a toothless stepdad. Have you ever seen a toothless person say that word? I mean, just go stand in front of a mirror and say it. Your mouth, especially the toothless, looks like a butthole when you say it. We will not use that word with the baby and I sure don't use it now. I'd rather you use crap, shit, caca Sri Lanka, deuce, dump, or go Auburn. My siblings (especially Brandon) love to say it long and slow. EW! The only thing worse is someone else's crap. My poor niece used to hate for me to wipe her butt because I'd gag. She'd actually praise me when I didn't. 

So, having said that, remember I'm pregnant and have a much stronger gag reflex. Today we go to the Annual Michael Chicken Stew (that's Heaven in a bowl, by the way). After we leave we have a couple of errands to run- so I decide to potty before we leave. As I hit the bathroom door, I knew I'd be holding my breath during this pee break. Clearly someone had just (as my brother says) dropped the kids off in the pool. Oh but it's so much worse! They. Didn't. Flush. I'm trying to flush the toilet and with every gag, I pee myself just a little. The gagging got worse and so did the pee. Now I'm just trying to avoid pissing all over their floor. Well...after quickly peeing, I try to flush again. People- this was the cockroach of the crap world. That dang stuff is still floating and I'm still gagging. The bottom line: I both peed myself and puked over this load, but I flushed that biznitch! 

Frankly, it's the best pee story I have. It ranks above peeing myself while being spanked by my uncle, rolling in snow while walking home from school to hide my peed pants, or peeing on my cousin's porch because they didn't answer the door quick enough. 

Ill be in Depends before 40... And in the meantime, I'll carry some extra panties with me.