It's a girl?!?

I'm not going to lie, I never thought it was a girl. It was hard for me to imagine myself as the mother of a girl. I always assumed it was a boy. I. Was. Wrong.

I was an incredibly difficult daughter. When my parents were still married, I knew I was a daddy's girl and how to work it...even if it caused problems for my parents. After my parents divorced, I was a terror to my mom. I was mean, mouthy and a brat. I was (am) strong-willed, independent and wanted my way. 

Around the time I became a teenager, my "grandpa" molested two girls. We often joked he never touched me because I would've hurt him. It changed how I felt about men, I became scared around all older men. 

My mom and stepdad were hard on me. I had to (gasp!) get a job by the age of 16. I was grounded constantly. I had to maintain good grades. 

I did stupid things: I had sex way too young, I got mad at my mom and drank facial astringent, I ran away. I was still mouthy- heck, I was mouthier.

I didn't learn to appreciate my mom until after my husband died. I then dated a guy with a daughter for about 7 years. She was a daddy's girl that could get anything with the word"daaaaaaeeeey". It was my lone shot at parenting, and I sucked. 

I was so hard on Christina. Argued with her over stuff that didn't need to be argued about, stood my ground when I didn't need to. Sometimes i didn't even giver her a chance to explain. 

I also had amazing experiences with her- she went to protest at the school board with me, she developed her own mind, we took road trips together, shopped for baggy jeans, went to the beach, and ate at the Waffle House in pj pants. 

I knew why my mom was "hard" on me. I knew what she hoped and dreamed for me, and who she wanted me to become. 

The good news is that I turned out pretty darn well. I'm independent, successful and smart. I've become my own future and managed to overcome the challenges in my life. My mom did a good job.

Christina is a pretty great kid. She's smart, independent and incredibly hardworking. 

I'm going to have a baby girl. I'm going to have a chance to do this start to finish. I know she will be a daddy's girl. There's no doubt in my mind. I just hope she will be a little bit of a momma's girl too. I hope I can teach her my passion for reading. I hope she, like me, will be involved at school, outspoken for what she believes in and a little independent. 

I also hope she will be a little bit girly. I sure wasn't! I wore boxer shorts and t-shirts all if the time, I borrowed my dad's jeans to wear. I still don't wear make-up. My Christina is a lot like me. She loved Aetnies skateboard shoes, baggy jeans, and tshirts. One of our bigger disagreements was because she was supposed to wear a dress to 5th grade graduation and she refused. 

I hope Harper Grace will be a little bit tomboy- love sports. I also hope she will want a pedicure every now and then. 

I'm not ready to think about boys, periods or broken hearts. What if she wants to ride a party bus to prom? Go tanning at a young age? What if she wants to ride to the beach with her friends? Wears booty shorts? Reads Danielle Steele at 13? 

Truth is-we will be blessed if she turns out like Christina, but she won't. She's going to turn out like Harper Grace Logan. I'll be blessed to have part in raising two girls. My challenge is to learn from my mistakes :) 

I am so excited to know I'm having a baby girl. God has blessed me in ways I couldn't have dreamed of. I just need to get this right, and I will. I have my mom to help.