What you get is not what you see...

I mean, I know that isn't how the saying goes, but it is my reality now. I've passed the 40 pound threshold. I started my journey on March 13, and 5 months later I've lost 40 pounds. My closet is getting emptier by the weekend...but the eBay profits are hitting the cruise account :)

Here's the problem- I don't look any different. When I look in the mirror, I see 263.5 pound Jocelyn. When I am in a picture, it's 263.5 pound Jocelyn. It's so darn frustrating. That is coupled with the fact that people don't notice. I mean, it's back to school time. Im seeing faces I haven't seen in a while. If they aren't reading this or seeing the news on Facebook, they don't know that I'm losing weight. Y'all notice and tell me how proud you are, and I do appreciate it. I guess it's a little of that whole "your mom has to say you're pretty because she's your mom" thing. So I wonder if people can really tell or if they just are being sweet. Make sense?

I'm a huge Advocare fan. I feel like it was what really kicked off my success. I use the 24 day meal plan to guide my daily life and live for a Spark in the morning. I say all of this because a number of my gym folks have done the Arbonne 30 Days to fit diet- and have had great success. I promised to do it with them this month. This month?! The month that is my craziest of all 12 at work, where my partner at work is on medical leave, the month when a family member (8 hours away) is diagnosed with kidney cancer and has to have a kidney removed? Good thinking.

There are so many people who have great success on this diet. Heck, I lost almost 8 pounds last week. Am I eating enough? No. Am I completely miserable? Yes. Did I fall off the wagon today and get completely run over by it? Heck to the yes. However, I refrained from a ham sandwich because as I told my mom, "You know I would've put mayonnaise on that b$tch."

So I am struggling. I'm a people pleaser- never want to disappoint. I've got a bet riding on the success of these 30 days. I also had a Superintendent look at me today and ask what was wrong and I slept a chunk of the weekend away. I also don't do well with falling off the wagon. I'm an all or nothing person, and half-donkey success feels like failure to me.

Anyway. I'll figure it out. I want to do what is best. This is what I know. This diet totally works for some people (just like Weight Watchers for others). I'm down 40 pounds in five months. I have a great support system (check that: the greatest). This is the most Debbie Downer blog I've ever written. Tomorrow is a new day :) The end.