Johnny Got His Gun

Let me be clear...this is my mind thinking aloud. It is not in an effort for all of you (Mom and Shelley) to reassure me or anything. I'm "venting".

I'm still really struggling with body image. Yes, I've lost 45 pounds, but I don't see the changes in my body. In fact, I now have one of those gross juicy veins popping out on my leg. I see that change :) Sure my clothes fit differently- in fact, my most favorite shoes (sparkly Tom wedges) are too big now. Some pictures show me a different me, the scale shows a different me and my time at the gym shows a different me. The mirror doesn't.

That is probably the most frustrating part of all of this. I know I'm thinner. I know I feel better working out. I just want to see what others see. I've had numerous people compliment me lately about how I look. That feels great. I'm LESS self-conscious in shorts at the gym. It helps. Someday I will look in the mirror and see in a new me...

In the meantime, I've made some accomplishments and set some goals. I'm thinking putting them in writing will help.

Goals:
- Weight loss (original 50 lbs by Dec, now 100 total)
- Become a runner
- Run a 5K, build to a half marathon
- Fit into Nike workout shorts
- Be able to shop in the regular sizes
- Wear shorts by summer of 2013 for everyday life
- Learn to not "punch like a girl" in combat

Accomplishments:
- Can touch my elbow to knee during crunches
- Run a mile without walking or stopping
- cut 3.5 minutes off my mile time in 5 months
- Can jump rope a little
- Have lost 45 pounds in 5 months
- Went from a size 22-24W to 18W
- Bought a pair of shorts in the normal people section
- Can do almost 50 push-ups
- Exercise = toning to avoid extra jiggle


I need to keep these in mind. It will help me stay focused and motivated. Well, honestly- 5 am is now more about my social life. We have so much fun together!!! Everyone is "the crew" is welcoming to each other and so supportive.

Okay, so this title is dedicated to Mrs. Glenda Cornstuble. She was the best English teacher EVER and expanded my love of reading. This book was my favorite book from American Experience and was written in stream of consciousness...kind of how I feel the blog was written today.